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  • Scared and not afraid to admit it

    OK, here goes. I am a 43 yr old mom to 4 teenage kids. I am having surgery in July and quite frankly, I am terrified. I have a wonderful doc (Dr. George Picetti..he's awesome) but a not so supportive husband. I have no family nearby and only one friend who I can count on in an emergency. I know worrying is like paying interest on money you never borrowed but I keep dwelling on recovery time, pain (I have a very high pain threshold so I am not too concerned here), and honestly, not waking up afterwards! Anybody else out there have these issues? I just feel very very alone. I hope nobody minds me coming out here like a scaredy cat!

  • #2
    Hi Brokenangel,

    You are SO not very very alone!!! I don't think any one of us could say that we weren't scared to death. And the longer you have to dwell on it, the worse it seems to get. I too was a "lurker" on this site for months before I posted. And my first question was, if I was being a big baby because I was scared. The comfort I recieved from the responses I had gotten didn't take the fear away, but I found relief in some odd way.

    I just hope that you find this forum as comforting and supportive as I have.
    I found it to truly make a difference with some peace of mind to be able to express feelings and thoughts with people that have walked the same "crooked" path.

    Shari

    Comment


    • #3
      hello brokenangel,

      You are not alone at all in being scared. Before my surgery I had about 2 months to wait and I was a basketcase most of the time leading up to it.
      I remember one day I actually had a panic attack I was so freaked out. It is normal to feel this way. This is MAJOR back surgery, probably the most major surgery you will ever have. I'm not saying this to scare you, but it's not a cake walk either. I think the best thing you can do is prepare yourself with knowledge before surgery. This forum is a great way to do that. So many here have been through this and can give such good advice. I think even better than what our doctors give. Cause most docs have not been through this. I won't lie to you, recovery from this surgery was very hard for me, and at 3 months post op it's still hard. But it was worth every bit of pain now, so that I don't have to live in pain for the rest of my life like I had been.

      I'm sorry to hear your husband is not that supportive. I think you really need to have a heart to heart with him very soon. Just explain to him how scared you are and that this is a time in your life when you need him the most. I really hope that he turns around and helps you. You really will need his support physically and emotionally through this.

      If you need to vent or have questions or just talk always feel free to come to this forum. We are all here for you. I'll keep you in my prayers.
      Shelly
      Anterior Spinal Fusion and titanium rod and screws inserted to correct 45 degree thoracolumbar curve from T12 - L4 on 1/4/06.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi brokenangle,
        I feel the same way as you & my surgery is Aug 1. I have 4 mths to go(by this Sat. but who's counting-yeah right!) & I can't say it is going by fast. As Shari says this forum helps so much even though it does'nt rid you of the fears. Many of us are in the same boat so stay in touch. Your husband will come around, mine did & he was'nt so great in the beginning......I found writing my blog keeps me from talking about it all to my husband & friends & boring them to death(even though they care, you know what I mean!!) Ly--
        http://lynnebackattack.blogspot.com

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        • #5
          Brokenangel --

          Believe me, you're not the only one who's scared! I'm tentatively scheduled to have surgery in March or April of 2007 and I'm terrified. I'll be 51 by then. I think anyone facing this surgery who's NOT scared is abnormal. This forum is a wonderful resource full of very kind and helpful people, but I have to say it's fed into my fears quite a bit.

          Are your kids ready and willing to help you out? It's good you have a friend who's available to help in an emergency. My husband is emotionally supportive but helpless around the house, so I'm having a cousin of mine come from out of state to help us (and my 10-year-old) out for a month or so. Knowing that I'll have help makes me feel a lot better.

          Best wishes,
          Chris
          Chris
          A/P fusion on June 19, 2007 at age 52; T10-L5
          Pre-op thoracolumbar curve: 70 degrees
          Post-op curve: 12 degrees
          Dr. Boachie-adjei, HSS, New York

          Comment


          • #6
            Brokenangel,

            I'm praying for you and praying that your husband will be more supportive.

            I personally thought the same as you...what if I die? But here is my take on this thought....

            I don't have one day more than the Lord gives me...at the same time, I don't have one day less.

            Kindest Regards,
            Gail

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            • #7
              BrokenAngel,

              Like everyone said you have all the support you can possibly get right here. We have all been through the same surgery, or very simular surgeries so we can give great feedback.

              The surgery is hard and does take alot of patience. I do hope that your husband does a turn around and becomes supportive. I do understand that maybe he has never gone through major surgery so maybe he does not know how to act. When I had my last surgery my husband was with me every day in the hospital. He slept in my room and was with me when i got home. He did become a little bit annoyed sometimes and at the time I did not understand. But now I do understand that there is only so much that people can handle and sometimes they need a break.

              Maybe it would be a good idea to have some other friends or family that is willing to relieve him when he is feeling stressed out. You will need alot of help with many things after surgery. For example, taking a shower, making meals and many other daily activities that you could do on your own before. It is important to not try to do things that might put you in danger to hurt yourself. It is not worth hurting yourself or prolonging your healing time.

              You could maybe check into your insurance to see if they pay for home health to come and take care of you after surgery. I did see that you have teenagers and they should be more than able to help you with many things. It is hard to imagine that you will be unable to do MANY things after surgery that you were able to do before. The most important thing is you need to focus on healing and relaxing.

              I hope everything goes great for you. I know it will. Dont be scared and know you have many "friends" here to talk to..

              Sarah
              Sarah 25 yrs old- Married with three english bulldogs

              1995-Surgery for scoliosis fused T3-L3.
              2000-Surgery for Rod breaking, relaced rod and took out upper rods.
              March 2005-Surgery for removal of all rods.
              August 2005-Fusion of T10-T11 due to crack in fusion, Rods put back in.
              August 2006- Surgery for fusion from L4 to sacrum.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think you wouldn't be human if you weren't scared. I got over most of it by reading all the posts here and other people's blogs. In fact it was the reason I set up my own blog as I found it reassuring to know other people felt the same as me.

                I am now 7 weeks post op and doing fine. Try not to worry - the surgeons are experts in what they do and will only ever do their best for you. We cannot ask for any more.

                Keep well informed and don't feel you are being silly - you're not!
                Double 63(T)/75(L) deg curve with big sideways shift - Surgery in UK on 8th February 2006.
                Post op 30(T)/33(L)
                http://warpedwoman.blogspot.com/

                Comment


                • #9
                  Brokenangel -

                  I haven't had surgery yet (scheduled for combined A/P fusion May 22 2006) but I am at times very anxious about it. What I have found is that educating myself about the procedure really helps prepare me for what I am facing. The old expression "knowledge is power" is so true. It's normal to fear the unknown. Continue to look to this board for support, read the latest books on scoliosis surgery, you'll be fine. As far as your husband is concerned, maybe he is also scared for you and doesn't know how to express it. I don't know your situation, but it's a thought for what it's worth.

                  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

                  Brandi
                  Brandi
                  Congenital Scoliosis, 58* lumbar curve
                  Combined Anterior/Posterior Spinal Fusion w/Laminectomy May 22, 2006
                  L1-S1
                  Dr. William Lauerman
                  Georgetown University Hospital, Washington, DC
                  Pedicle Subtraction Osteotomy @ L3, Posterior Spinal Fusion L2-L4, rod removal with re-instrumentation T10-S1 and Laminectomy February 5, 2009 to correct flatback
                  http://brandi816.wordpress.com/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Future sugery fears

                    Hi Broken Angel. As everyone else wrote, you are certainly not alone by any means. It's normal to be frightened before the surgery, but I agree with the others, knowledge helps. Just don't overdue it. It's great to have lots of information, but just keep it all in perspective, that everyone is different and has different experiences. I found that before my surgery, the more I was distracted the better. It was more at nighttime when I started getting anxious, but during the day with work, etc I didn't give myself much time to think about it. I was especially worried b/c my husband had lost his first wife to cancer and I just thought, now I am having surgery and putting myself at risk. But really, you are in more danger driving your car everyday. People kept telling me that before my surgery. Try and think about the positive...you might get taller, you'll be straighter...people will send you flowers and cards, etc.

                    Keep us all posted...Heather
                    Heather
                    Surgery date: April 20, 2004
                    Anterior/posterior surgery
                    Fused T-11 to L-5
                    Pre op lumbar curve: 70 degrees, thoracic curve: 42 degrees
                    Post op lumbar curve: 19 degrees, thoracic curve: 18
                    Surgeon: Dr. Boachie-Adjei
                    Had successful pregnancy and birth 2 years post-op

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