Being at home after.

[katblack]

I am a 35 year old mom of 2 teens who is having anterior/posterior spinal fusion on Feb 9th. I will be in the hospital for 2 weeks.
My sister will be taking my teens while I'm in but after, they will be home with me.

I want to know with no sugar coating, what is it going to be like at home after surgery.
How much can I look fwd to doing/not doing?
Will my house go to hell?
Will the teens starve?
I am serious concerns about home life after. I do it all right now, dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning.
I'm really worried about how it's going to be when I get out.

Thanks for any answers, suggestions to make it easier, you can all give me.

[crookedspine]

No sugar coating. I don't know the extent of your surgery, but I had anterior/posterior surgery on November 8, 10, & 14. I was in the hospital for 5 days after my last surgery, then moved to Rehab for until Dec 3. The reason for this was that I had a long way to travel (from Boston to San Antonio, TX), and they needed to make sure that I was not going to take too many backward steps in my recovery.

When I came home, I was not able to do anything more than get up and allow someone to help me put my shoes and socks on. I was able to get dressed by myself (but did not put on anything but button shirts for the first few weeks home). As my therapists showed me, I was able to do more and more. It took time (and still is). I was shown how to make simple snacks (eggs, sandwiches, etc.). My advise would be to either teach your teens how to cook real quick or make hot dishes and freeze them. I would also show them how to do laundry. I can put the clothes in the washer & dryer, but cannot stoop down to get them out still. My daughter helps with that (she is 16). She also cooks a few meals once in a while. My husband cooks the remainder of them...until this past week (I MADE A COUPLE OF MEALS THIS PAST WEEK!!!!! ). You need to talk to your kids and remind them that this is going to be a team effort. Maybe your sister can help with some meals, also. DON'T RUSH YOUR RECOVERY TIME! As you can read in some of the other messages, whenever you rush, you push yourself back. Allow others to help. I know this is long, but hope it helps! Linda

[katblack]

It does help, thanks. I am teaching my 14 year old starting this week, to cook. Every meal we have between now and when I go in, he's going to make with supervision of course, so he can do it when I get home.
He's being amazingly strong about it all telling me he will help change my dressings and stuff like that while my 12 year old is not so sure he's going to be able to deal with it all.

My sis is definitely going to help out but she works during the day, kids at school during the day, and I will have a friend coming to stay with me but only for 1 week.

I am having pedicule screws go down the entire length of my spine.
My curve is approx 68 degrees, both thoracic and lumbar curves. No definite measurements yet as my final surgery consults are on the 25th.
I have stenosis, nerve impingement, disc deterioration, severed nerves. It's a mess in there basically. They are shaving off part of my left hip bone due to years of my spine rubbing on it on the left and it being worn out and destroyed.
I've been doing this single mom gig for the last 12 years. I do it all and I guess I'm scared that I won't be able to do anything and will have to rely on people. Not that relying on people is a bad thing, but when you've spent all these years doing it all and taking care of everything yourself, it's scary to think about having to let people help you and stuff.

Any suggestions to make it easier at home?
Raised toilet seats? Grabber thingies? Um, special shoes, clothes?
I have no idea what to expect.

Thanks.

[Alison]

Hi,

have you considered maybe setting up a 'chore chart' for your teenagers. On the chore chart 'divide up' the 'essential chores' ie laundry, doing the dishes, cooking a meal, vacuming, dusting. It would mean they'd know what they'd have to do and would leave room for less arguments. Give them what they can 'handle' and look at the 'essential stuff'. Maybe see if a neighbour or friend or family member could come in once a week or every two weeks and do some of the 'bigger cleaning' (the stuff that doesn't have to be done every week)

For cooking could you perhaps freeze some 'staple food'; such as Spaghetti Bolognase Sauce, Mince, Soup, Casserole, Chilli Sauce. Ie stuff that can be used in a number of recipes, and that's also easy to cook. Maybe give one night a week to your 12 year old to 'have a go' at cooking....simple stuff such eggs, spaghetti on toast etc. Then give maybe one or two nights to your 14 year old.

At first (when your still pretty tired/can't drive/get tired easily), for food shopping could you maybe do it over the internet. Or organise a friend or family member to do it every couple of weeks. Or if someone's visiting (and rings beforehand) ask them to bring in some 'staple food' (such as bread/milk etc as your run out of it)

Do your teens need picking up/dropping off at any activity??. Maybe see if one of their friends mom's could give them a ride. Then make a chart for the fridge with who'se picking up whom. So they know who'se picking them up etc.

Before surgery make sure everyone's appointments are done. Ie Yearly check-up, going to the dentist, visting the optometrist etc. Will give you one less thing to worry about afterwards.

Some stuff on this list might be of help to you

http://scoliosislinks.com/PreparingforSurgery.htm

Good luck

Alison

[SpineWhine]

Hey Kat - I am going to agree with everyone else here - being at home, especially the first two weeks, is going to be difficult. Planning meals now, or freezing things so they just need heating. If something isn't at arm's reach when you are standing or sitting, you will not be able to reach it. Also, things for me seemed VERY heavy. (Example: if somebody handed me a full glass of water, in an actual glass, as opposed to a plastic or paper cup, it was just too heavy to lift.) THat went away after a few days, but I suggest getting paper plates and cups. BEsides, although admittedly not environmentally friendly, you will appreciate the ease of clean-up too. Sometimes you have to make short-cuts, you know?

Also - do you somebody who can help you with bathing? At first I needed help washing my hair, as I couldn't lift my arms up for extended periods of time. I also appreciated somebody to lighly wash near my incision, and put lotion on my legs afterward, etc.

It's not going to be perfect, and I am sure there are some things in your home that will go to the dogs. But, recovery, for me at least, was significant each day and eaach day I could something more that I couldn't do the day before, so every day got better and better and I got more and more independence.

At four weeks post op I do everything myself but vacuum (too hard to push and carry) and laundry (too much bending and carrying)

[crookedspine]

Kat, as a reminder, don't expect your kids to be perfect! Your 14 year old said he would help with the dressings. The first time he sees your scars may make him change his mind. My daughter STILL does not want to even see my scars, although it may be different for boys. The more organized you get things, i.e. putting things where you can reach them, the charts mentioned above, etc., the easier it will be for all of you. I found myself getting frustrated when I went to fix a light lunch & couldn't reach something. Figure out what you can fix & put them where you can reach them. If you get your boys into the routine now with the chores, it will also be easier when you get home after surgery. And I agree with the others...choose the really important chores and ignore the remainder if someone cannot come in to help. Another reminder.....teens WILL NOT starve! They can always find something to eat.

[nikyergen]

You may also want to get some Top Ramen, I can't stand the stuff but the kids eat it, and eggs. Maybe cook a roast and slice a little off and cut it in strips for top ramen and freeze it. It can be a very simple meal. Remember you don't have to have a fancy meal, just meat the daily requirements as easily as you can. Mac & Cheese is another good one. I always tell my kids what good college students they will be because they eat Top Ramen and Mac & Cheese out of the box. Prepare and freeze casserole type meals. They are really the easiest.

[Suzy]

Planning ahead

Hi Kat, I am having surgery next month and am making the lists of "to do" items before I go in. I too worry about the house going to hell, who wants to play catch up getting it back in order once you feel better? I called a couple of housekeeping companys and told them I needed a bit of help post-op, not huge cleaning sprees. They were very nice and will do only what I need and want done and because of this are very affordable. I will ask friends to do anything else but clean. Though I have some I think would do some on the sly. My 10 & 16 yr olds can straighten and pick up. Husband can clean. But, I would rather have him do other things. If you can check in to a service, I was happily surprised at the price. It was much less then I thought it would be and you are also buying piece of mind! Best of luck. Suzy

[itsjustme]

Don't forget to buy some bendie straws. Those will help out alot when it's time to take your meds and you're lying in bed and can't lift the glass to get a drink. Also, you may or maynot have an appetite for the first 2 weeks while you are home. At least that's what happned to me. Just drink plenty of liquids. And remember. No baths (That's what my surgeon told me afterwards) Showers are alright, and pat dry or air dry the incision site. You may want to purchase a loofa on a stick. That will help with those hard to reach areas. Don't freak out if your stomach is really big and distended after surgery. It takes a while for your bowels to 'wake up' If you can do this now, try practicing getting off and on the toilet without bending forward or slouching. Just pretend that you are strapped to a piece of lumbar and use your thighs muscles. The physical therapist in the hospital will help you with this and they expect you to do it before they will let you go home. Unfortunately for my sake I was stuck in a bed for 2 weeks. I cried so hard when I had to get up to go to the bathroom when the catheter was removed on the 4/5th day (can't remember) I had spinal fluid leaking from one of the holes where a screw was supposed to go in. If I read the report right my doctor didn't believe he actually breached the pedicle wall, but who knows. I may post that if anyone cares to read. :/ If you experience SEVERE headaches when standing up and your eyes feel like they're on fire it's more than likely a spinal fluid leak. I don't mean to scare you by no means. I was a bit stubborn. I just REFUSED to use a bedpan. I couldn't subject myself to that level of personal humility. I also got yelled at by the nursing staff for getting out of bed. My doctor had me on bedrest. I may be military but I couldn't follow those orders for the life of me. Hmm.. onto other things. If you are pre menopausal (??spelling) bring a pack of kotex with you. Women after surgery usually start mensurating even if you're not 'scheduled' to. (sorry if I'm being graphic, I don't want to offend anyone) The first time you sit up will also be difficult if not painful. It gets easier as the days go by. If you can, I'd hire a cleaning service to come in and help you at least once a week or once every two weeks. A few people from my squadron were very helpful including my commander, LTC Henwood! They would stop by and bring me kids meals (that was the extent of my appetite after 3 weeks) 4 piece chicken nuggets. Yummie Yummie. Sorry if I'm rambling. Hope this helps out a little. One of these days I'll start a blog or something to that effect. Take care and good luck.
~Shelley

[katblack]

Thank you everyone for all your ideas and suggestions. I did go out and buy a ton of bendie straws already...lol
I have all kinds of stuff on my list of things to buy before I go in and ideas for meals after. I am starting to stockpile meals already made that can just be reheated like casseroles and such.
I made a huge crockpot of meatballs and sauce today and packaged those up in several dishes and stuck them in the freezer so those can be taken out and thawed for use in spaghetti or meatball subs or whatever.

As for the bedpan issue Shelley, I already have that issue. I had my myelogram and ct scan last month and cried when they told me I had to lay flat for 6 hours after the test and if I had to pee, to use a bedpan or female urinal. I couldn't go no matter how bad I needed to. It's a psychological problem I think. I cannot pee laying down and the whole idea of peeing in a bed, upset me more than I can even explain. I cried that whole 6 hours. It was pitiful...lol

Suzy, I may look into a cleaning service. Thanks for that idea. I never even thought of that before. Just general cleaning, not full house cleaning. Stuff like the bathroom, vac if it needs to be done etc. Nothing major.

Spinewhine, I have basically no one who can help me bathe. I have lived alone with my kids for the last 12 years and sadly, I have too much pride to even change in front of people. I know, that will all go out the window come surgery time. Tons of people will be touching me/seeing me naked etc.
My sister has offered to come help me shower on her lunch breaks but other than her, no one.


Allison, I am going to come up with a chore chart for the simple stuff, feed the cats and fish, do the dishes, take out the trash, pick up messes etc. Good idea, thank you.

nikyergen, I cannot stand ramen noodles but the teens do eat it when desperate. I have a ton of that and mac n cheese already stored up. I'm thinking canned spaghettios and stuff too.

I'm not pre-menopausal but due to my scoli, my cycles have been messed up for the last 5 years. I went a whole year without one, then had one, then nothing again for 8 months. It's been off/on like that for years now. With my luck, I'll start my cycle mid-surgery and wake up with some giant hospital pad between my legs...lmao

[SpineWhine]

LMAO about the giant hospital pad! AT least you know ahead of time that it could happen and prepare for it, right?! I am glad you are keeping your sense of humor, that is the best advice I can give!

[LindaRacine]

I was able to take care of my personal needs (bathing, going to the bathroom, etc.) when I returned from the hospital. (I was 42 at the time.)

I have a list that can help you prepare for surgery:

http://www.scoliosislinks.com/PreparingforSurgery.htm

And, also a list of when activities can be resumed after surgery:

http://www.scoliosislinks.com/PostSurgActivities.htm

--Linda

[judyk]

If you can, get you a grabber or reacher tool. I got mine at Walmart. It is extremely frustrating to drop little things on the floor and not be able to get them. Also, it will help you pull your pants up at first when you are getting dressed, reach for shoes and socks, and etc. The hospital let me use theirs when I would get dressed before physical therapy. Before I left the hospital I got a raised toilet seat which was great, and a walker which I only used for about a week and ended up not having it covered under insurance, so I don't know if that was really necessary. Some people use a walker for a longer amount of time and some don't use it at all. I was able to pretty much shower on my own but just needed someone to turn on the water and stand by if I dropped the soap, etc. I have a 17 year old and he was so good at fixing his own meals, even if they were mostly frozen foods, pizza, etc. Just let your kids know what your needs are and you will probably be amazed at how truly helpful they will be.

[katblack]

Those are great links! Thank you!

[lelc2002@yahoo]

My neighbor across the street has a cleaning lady that comes every thurs. So I'm alrdy thking it would be convenient for her to come here next! My 3 men(hubby & 2 boys) will do there best, I suppose but I can see the house going to hell too! I really think when in crisis mode, your family will rise to the challenge. My 10 yr old, Jordan grabbed the vacuum cleaner last night & brought it downstairs saying I must not carry it!
I bet anythg, friends will bring you meals(that the kids can eat if you're not hungry!). I would!--------Lynne

60 degree curves-looking to have surgery done this August..waiting for a date... my blog started Jan....http://lynnebackattack.blogspot.com