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Mari81
12-05-2005, 12:27 AM
I wanted to ask all married women with scoliosis. Has you having scoliosis affected your relationship with your husband in any way? Emotionally, physically, sexually or in any other way?

Mari

SandyC
12-05-2005, 09:29 AM
Mari81,

I've been married for 20+ years with moderately severe scoli. Had Harringtions in the '80's. Then A/P surgery in 2001. My curves now are 40T/75L. To answer your question no it hasn't effected my marriage in anyway.

SandyC
12-05-2005, 09:31 AM
Mari81,
This is just a P.S. to the above.......

I had 2 childern/had vaginal births with both without problems. Now the proud grandmother of 2

Cakedec
12-05-2005, 11:41 AM
I have had a severe double curve treated only by a brace since a teen-ager. It definitely didn't interfere with pregnancies, although there was pain, fatigue, and some muscle spasms in the lower back towards the end of the pregnancy, but many normal women also get that.

I had no problem with all 3 of my deliveries; other than a sore tailbone after my second son was born.

As far as sexually, I have had to be careful with positions as sometimes they can start up muscle spasms or pain, but you learn to work around it and find what is ok for you.

My problem is now that my kids are older, I have developed severe Sciatic Joint pain (probably from the scoliosis), and have to get pain injections if I want to keep walking and be able to go places and keep up with them.

You will also have to watch your children (especially girls) for signs of scoliosis as it runs in families. My daughter (14) has a very mild one which does not require treatment.

I would say if you need surgery to get it either before you start your family or wait until they are all grown and fairly independent like mine.

Don't listen to people who say it will handicap you for having a family.

Deb

Mari81
12-05-2005, 01:39 PM
Sandy and Deb,

Thank you both for sharing your experiences with me. The truth is that I am a little scared about what some of my doctors have told me about giving birth. Just recently my orthopedic doctor told me that I would very likely need a c-section to deliver and I believed him. I don't really know the degree of my scoliosis but I do know that it's mild, I've never had to wear a brace and I have never had any pain due to it.
Reading your stories has given me hope that I might be able to deliver vaginally one day. I also have a fear that it might cause problems in my marriage but it hasn't so far, so I am happy about that.

And Deb, I will take your advice and not listen to people who say it will handicap me from having a family.

Thank you guys!! :)

Mari

Karen Ocker
12-05-2005, 03:18 PM
Who ever told you that you would need a c/s is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Last year I did an extensive literature search for an OB/gyn doctor I give anesthesia for.
The only indications for a caesarian section are the obstetrical ones that have nothing to do with the back. For example the baby's head is too big, problems with the placenta, failure for labor to progress to name a few.

On the other hand if the back is very deformed it might be difficult to place the epidural or do a spinal. I actually was given a spinal for a D&C before my revision. I was only fused to L-2(40 deg lumbar curve then) so they put the spinal below that. The only problem was it didn't work and I had to get general anesthesia.

My suggestion is, when you decide to have your babies, go to a large university hospital where they know better.

Karen

Lia_s_mom
12-06-2005, 06:48 PM
I have scoliosis that wasn't found until I was an adult, and only because of a "spine screening" at the state fair. I have had two children, one nine pounds 12 oz. (c section for reasons not related to scoliosis) and the second at 10 pounds 2 oz. (VBAC, to the consternation of my OB/Gyn, who didn't think the baby was that big!) Neither pregnancy bothered my back at all.

My best friend wore a body cast for her scoliosis (back in the pre-brace era). Her son was over 11 pounds...no back problems.

My niece wore a Boston Brace for two years. She's had two healthy pregnancies (and luckily more typically-sized babies) and no problems.

Labor and delivery are never a breeze...that's why they call it labor, right? But scoliosis does not necessarily mean complications.

I should add that my own daughter is wearing a Boston Brace right now, so it does run in families and that's one thing to check.

fmoinuk
12-14-2005, 10:13 AM
In response to Mari81. Scoliosis hasn't affected my marridge, either. I have two healthy children who I had with a c-section(not related to scoliosis). Please don't let anyone scare you.

jennlynn
01-06-2006, 04:17 PM
In response to Mari81. Scoliosis hasn't affected my marridge, either. I have two healthy children who I had with a c-section(not related to scoliosis). Please don't let anyone scare you.


I had two 53* (recently fused) curves and my ob told me with both pregnancies that I could have vaginal deliveries. We did not know at the time that they curve was that severe. They did have difficulty getting the needle in, as my spine wasn't where it should have been, but it worked with my first son and i had no complications whatsoever. With my 2nd child, I had increased back pain after my first child, so I was concerned I wouldn't be able to get another epidural. My ob scheduled an appointment with me with the anethesist to ease my fears and assured me they would try (there are never any guarantees it will work anyway). It was a fast labor and he came before she could get the needle in. Believe me, I didn't intend for it to happen that way, but I lived through it :eek: with again, no complications. Don't let them scare you. As you watch them grow, you seem to forget the pain :)

Sue_83
02-07-2006, 03:29 PM
I have a question. did you (who are married) tell your husband that you had scoliosis before you got married? If so what was his reaction?

Jacque's Mom
02-07-2006, 04:04 PM
I told my then boyfriend about it after a few months of dating (1980) as I couldn't hide my discomfort anymore. I then became engaged and had my surgery three months later; spent nine months in a body cast and got married five months after it was removed (1982). He was and is the most supportive man I have ever met. When my back acted up years later, he would say "we got it fixed the first time and we'll get it fixed again". Come April, we'll be married 24 years! LYNN

jojo
02-08-2006, 07:24 PM
I must say that DH has a lot of demands on him that I feel guilty about, but he is fine with. he takes care of the vcuuming now. He also totes the laundry up and down the 3 flights of stairs (we live in a large old victorian with a basement laundry) He unloads the groceries from the car and gives the younger kid a bath because those things tend to bother me. I also cannot get comfortable in his mustang but We just take the mini van when we go places together.

He gets angry when he comes home and finds that I have dine those things and want's to make sure my back is still good to go when we are 50.

SOme physical positions are difficult but we work it out and are OK. If this is the only issue a marriage has then you are doing better than most.

The Professor
04-16-2006, 10:01 PM
Who ever told you that you would need a c/s is wrong, wrong, wrong.


I agree totally.

A large number of c-sections are unnecessary-- they're just done to cover the hospital and/or doctor's (_I_) if something goes wrong. Scoliosis isn't a good enough reason for a c-section.

As an aside, the best thing to do, regardless of where you go for delivery, is to choose your doctor carefully (referrals are the best way) and make sure you do your homework first. The more informed patient tends to get much better care. Make sure your doctor listens to you and doesn't either cut you off before you have had your say or ignores everything you've said. I've found that printing out research articles from journals works well (at least just the abstracts).

Don't let them intimidate you. Most people treat MDs like they're gods. They're just human beings (with medical training). Most of them have a large enough patient load that they don't have the time and energy to thoroughly research a case before making a diagnosis or treatment decision. You have to do some of the homework yourself.

lorrie
04-17-2006, 01:41 AM
Hi
Just to say if, for any reason, you do have to have a ceasarian, it's really not the end of the world so don't get too hung up about it. The most important thing is that mother and baby come out of healthy - don't let anyone feed you any nonsense about it ruining your ability to bond with your baby or suchlike.

Lorrie

Singer
04-17-2006, 07:24 AM
Just to chime in -- my husband could care less about my deformity -- thinks I'm cute anyway (his body isn't perfect, either - lol).

Something Karen said struck me, though -- we also adopted our daughter because I aso had antibodies against my husband. I've read somewhere that there CAN BE a link between infertility and scoliosis -- has anyone else heard of this?

Kkong
04-17-2006, 11:18 AM
I have been married for 25 years to a wonderful man and the mother of 2 children born vaginally. I didn't have any problems really with pregnancy or getting pregnant (got pregnant the first shot w/o contraception) but my son came six weeks early and my daughter three weeks early, don't know whether it has anything to do with my back.

As far as self-esteem issues, I have never been able to shower in front of my husband. I think this goes back to gym class issues and a mother who just could not accept my deformity. I have been on anti-depressants for years and think this has a lot to do with my disease process.

I am now going for my first surgical consultation next month. My curves have worsened over the years but I thought it was all in my head. I didn't even know about corrective adult surgery until about six months ago. Isn't that sad??! I wish the primary care doctors were more informed about this surgery. I found out about the surgery from a friend who had it.

CHRIS WBS
04-17-2006, 12:02 PM
KKong,

You are not alone in your ignorance of this disease. Until I began having problems this past year, I was unaware of the progressive factor associated with scoliosis. I have noticed changes in my body just the past few years, but I assumed it was part of aging. I will be 57 next month. As far as self-esteem goes, I've often wondered if my deformity was a factor in my choosing not to marry. I've alway felt embarrassed by it and uncomfortable being naked in front of someone. I've been told I'm a beautiful woman and have had many admirers over the years but never wanted to have to tell someone about my crooked spine. At this stage of my life, it's just not that important to me anymore. But I am very much concerned about further progression and what it can do to me.

Chris

Starfire
11-01-2006, 10:05 PM
wow, all of you have such great husbands... :)

for me, i don't have scoliosis but my husband does... he kept it from me when we were still dating, until he was forced to tell it to me in such a straightforward and gung-ho manner... he said "i have scoliosis, but would you still marry me?" instead of me saying yes instantly, i was a bit stunned at first and asked myself "what was scoliosis again?"... of course i said yes, even without knowing what it meant... i told myself, "whatever it is, he wouldn't ask me for marriage if he knew it would affect us... at least it wasn't halitosis!" LOL...

anyway, i found out about it after some research... we got married and had a few adorable children... no problems so far since his job involves just using the computer at home, while i was out most of the time... both of us are usually busy, so he'd just order his meds from the computer and we'd have no problem from doctor appointments... and our kids know their father's condition well and are even comfortable enough to speak about it in their own schools...

the only thing that bothers me is his pride... sometimes i get irritated when he insists on doing things that he's not supposed to because of his condition, simply because, according to him, "he's the man of the house"... and i just calmly explain to him that he's the man of the house regardless of whether he does the strenuous stuff or not...

sometimes i cannot help but worry about sexual positions that i kinda like but i know would give him a bit of pain... but he insists on doing so because he says he loves me... of course, i go with it anyway, just to show him that his preferences and acts matter to me too... but i make some excuse to shift to another position when i see even a small indication of pain in him...

well, we're still a happy couple and we love each other dearly... :) :cool:

gayle
11-02-2006, 08:43 AM
my husband knew i had scoliosis when we met and he didnt seem bothered by it.13 years ago though i wasnt very noticable in my curves but i did have that one side of breast bigger than the other and that was the only thing that bothered me.my husband has never said anything about my back looking bad .even though now i can see how bad my back is getting he says he can barely tell.

Singer
11-02-2006, 10:22 AM
Anyone besides me think Starfire's post is a clever marketing ploy??

SandyC
11-02-2006, 04:49 PM
Singer,
Yea, that was my first impression......I :mad: spam

majose
11-03-2006, 02:00 PM
I had surgery in 1975 - don't know how many or waht vertebrae are fused, I do know that the two lower are the only lower one's not fused.

I have had three successful pregnancies - no complications during pregnancy due to the rods or back pain.

My first child was a c-section (she was breach) and I had to go under full anesthesia due to the fusions not permitting me to have an epidural or spinal (almost prefer that - couldn't deal with being half awake while they cut my belly open!!!)

My other two were Vbacs - no epidural or spinals - but hey, I made it through with flying colors - these deliveries were without complications.

As far as the scoliosos affecting a marriage - it really depends on the couple, as do so many other things in a relationship. Between you and me - if he has a tough time dealing with the scoliosis or it becomes an issue for him - he's not worth having around in your life.

Mom to 3
11-05-2006, 12:25 PM
I have been married for 12 years and it hasnt affected our relationship. Although it might be because I became friends with my husband when I was 7 and then we grew up knowing about my scoli, visited me after surgeryand he got diagnosed too, even though he was only braced. I also had 3 kids and am 7 months pregnent with twins and it didnt really get afected. My 11 year old daughter, my 7 y/o son and my 2 y/o daughter were all vaginal. but overall scoliosis hasnt afected much of anything.

KatM
11-08-2006, 11:09 AM
my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and it doesnt bother him... self esteem wise it bothers me a little bit because since im crooked i stumble and lose my balance a lot which is just embarasing... but He tells me I have a sexy back straight or crooked.

sexual positions are a little challenging for us but we are creative. and he says he doesnt mind.