hi im new to this 'forum' stuff so please be nice! thanks! um when i was 9 yrs old i found out i had "something" wrong. my parents said i was ok, the doc was stupid, they never heard of any such thing. if/when i had pain it was 'growing' suck it up dont be such a baby. by time i was 12 my sis (3 1/2yrs old then) would rub 1 - 2 tubes of bengay on my back for me pr week. by this time my mom divorced my (sis/bro) dad & we lived with (their) grandparents. (she got me the bengay) when i was 14 my mom 'WANTED' me again (at 14 i had only lived w/ her maybe 5 yrs out of my life) so i moved to GA w/her. my Ray "real dad" took me to get on his army ins. then took me to base dr. i was there 2 wks. @ 1 wk later he phoned to tell my mom my surgary info.
she told him NO (custody was to her) we would go to church-lay hands- pray & god would "FIX" it. well at 15 ?? from fla layed hands on at church. FF to today... i turned 33 in july. last wed. mom called (she now has been working 4 DFCS for @10 yrs.) my g-mother told her she had 2 help me/SSI so she was ...ill as usual....i asked her if she ever searched & read @ on net anything- NO she said. we got in to & she told me "it is my fault, because 'GOD HAD HEALED ME' & i "LET" go of it."
i am so - - - somethig--- mad, hurt,socked---something. i told her she sentenced me to so horrid chineese torture death sentence.
i am working on SSI because i can no longer handle this, i feel there are others need more than me so i am trying to find another way, but cant get ins. ... the horrid things that my body.... i try not 2 complain, i've lied all these yrs (only 2 self just found out) @ b/c i am so much more than SHAMED... any way (sorry) i thought i would feel better to know there are others that feel/have same things wrong... to not be so alone....but it made me feel almost worse, i HATE to see someone hurt, but to KNOW EXCATLY how you feel.... i just want to have some magic wand and 'poof' make you all better...i would not mind being 'shamed' to keep another from this pain... is it ok to feel this...sad/compassion/guilt??
thanks for reading this, i am now up to telling 2 people how bad it is! (not family- my best friend-yesterday & u today!) thanks
she told him NO (custody was to her) we would go to church-lay hands- pray & god would "FIX" it. well at 15 ?? from fla layed hands on at church. FF to today... i turned 33 in july. last wed. mom called (she now has been working 4 DFCS for @10 yrs.) my g-mother told her she had 2 help me/SSI so she was ...ill as usual....i asked her if she ever searched & read @ on net anything- NO she said. we got in to & she told me "it is my fault, because 'GOD HAD HEALED ME' & i "LET" go of it."
i am so - - - somethig--- mad, hurt,socked---something. i told her she sentenced me to so horrid chineese torture death sentence.
i am working on SSI because i can no longer handle this, i feel there are others need more than me so i am trying to find another way, but cant get ins. ... the horrid things that my body.... i try not 2 complain, i've lied all these yrs (only 2 self just found out) @ b/c i am so much more than SHAMED... any way (sorry) i thought i would feel better to know there are others that feel/have same things wrong... to not be so alone....but it made me feel almost worse, i HATE to see someone hurt, but to KNOW EXCATLY how you feel.... i just want to have some magic wand and 'poof' make you all better...i would not mind being 'shamed' to keep another from this pain... is it ok to feel this...sad/compassion/guilt??
thanks for reading this, i am now up to telling 2 people how bad it is! (not family- my best friend-yesterday & u today!) thanks
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