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View Full Version : i hate scoliosis-help me, I'm confused : (



rincotato
08-29-2005, 08:18 PM
Hi I have scoliosis and I hate it! I get sick of trying to cover it up and always worrying about what I can and can't wear, in case people notice, and even if people don't notice i feel like they do. It doesn't even matter to me sometimes whether other ppl notice or not, but it's the fact that I notice it every single time i look in the mirror. I hate everything about it, it makes me feel so unattractive and grossed out! So I just think that that's what other ppl must think too. I get jealous of everyone just for having a normal back and straight spine and even waistline and flat back! I feel so stupid though, because what a thing to be jealous of! But i can't help the way that i feel. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't think my scoliosis is bad enough to need surgery, but I don't know how much longer I can live with it, but I don't know whether it's sensible to consider having surgery because what if something went wrong, or it didn't improve my appearance, would it be worth it? Sorry to go on like this, but I really needed to talk to someone who could understand where I'm coming from. Please someone write back. I need help -x- :confused: :confused: :confused:

greentangerine
08-29-2005, 08:26 PM
ooh, I know how you feel about the clothes! For me, it looks like I have a raised hip on one side. Solid shirts are usually evitable... I thought I hated it too, but now, I don't really care. I can't change it -- exercise doesn't re-change the alignment...so I'm kinda letting it ride out, seeing what needs to be done (a dr. said I would need surgery...still waiting on the second opinion)

but it's cool to have a forum to talk to other people about it -- only my closest friends know...no need telling the whole world. Most people wouldn't really understand that it's not bad...just something you're born with

-Cindy

rincotato
08-29-2005, 08:31 PM
thanks a lot for replying, I feel like I'm going crazy with it right now. I try not to focus and have everything revolve around scoliosis, but at the moment I can't help it. I wish i could be more like you and not care about it, and sometimes and do go through phases of thinking 'it's not so bad' but then i just go like this again, completely the opposite.
I agree it is good to have forums like this, because even my closest friend who knows and who i've shared things with about it, doesn't understand and i feel as if no one does. I'm so confused about surgery though, because if i don't really need it but just really want it, would it be worth going through it???

flowerpower
08-29-2005, 10:45 PM
Hi,

I totally understand your "body issues". I'm sure the majority of people with scoliosis may feel somewhat self-conscious. As I have gotten older, I have learned to wear (or avoid) certain types of clothing. After being on this forum for a few months and talking to others I really no longer feel like I used to. Before, I couldn't even mention scoliosis without getting teary. Now I have no problem talking about it with anyone. I am so focused on preparing my son for his upcoming scoli surgery I guess that helped me overcome my issues so I could better help him deal with his.

Have you seen an orthopaedic doctor recently? If so, what is the measurement of your curve? Scoliosis surgery is very serious, it's not something you want to go through unless it's absolutely necessary. It seems most doctors do not recommend surgery until curve(s) reach about 45 deg. & up, and you should be wary of a doctor who would do this surgery "just because you want it". This is a great forum, you will find many supportive people who understand how you feel.

Renee

rincotato
08-30-2005, 10:46 AM
thankyou for replying. I have seen a doctor recently, but I'm not sure of the measurements though. Also it's not that my doctor is willing to do the surgery, he thinks it's not really a good idea unless I need it, but he understands that some ppl reach a point where they just don't want to live with it anymore.And i feel like I can't live with it anymore sometimes, and I think that maybe if i carry on living with it, then when I'm older I decide to have it, then there will be even more problems to consider and more risk of complications because I'll be older. I completely understand what your saying about the fact that it's very serious surgery and I know deep down that its a stupid idea to consider it when I don't even think i need it. But how can I overcome these feelings?Do you have any clothes tips?

flowerpower
08-30-2005, 04:35 PM
Of course, I understand what you are saying about being in pain. Perhaps you need further evaluation to find out if there is any underlying "issue" that is also exacerbating your pain.

About the clothes, I find that loose-fitting shirts, certain prints (I don't like vertical stripes) for more form-fitting clothing & bathing suits, I prefer high-waisted pants, shorts (not hip hugging, I certainly don't have the hips for them anymore, anyway :rolleyes: ha ha). If I think of anything else I'll post later, running short on time-gotta go, bye!

Renee

rincotato
08-30-2005, 04:47 PM
hi again thankyou for replying, it's just good to talk to people who understand what I'm going through : )
It's not so much pain that I have you see, but just issues with how scoliosis makes me look, body issues mostly. But I just go through different phases of hating it, and then not minding it. For example this morning i hated it becuase i couldn't find anything to wear that looked good, but then in the afternoon i found something that looked good, and now I don't care about scoliosis. I guess I was just at a point where I was feeling low about it which keeps happening more often lately , but your help and advice and just talking to someone has helped! thanks -x-

flowerpower
08-30-2005, 09:34 PM
Anytime. Like I said, I know how you feel. I was traumatized by having to wear a brace for scoliosis in my youth, and dealt with all the issues you're talking about. It has just been recently that I have come to terms with it all and feel ok about it (pretty much). I find that when I have time to excercise, do yoga, etc. my body feels better, which makes me feel better.

Renee

KRIS ATKINSON
08-31-2005, 09:31 AM
Rincotato, just an additional thought, you might want to consider going to a counselor also, if that is affordable for you. You should be able to find someone who is experienced in these type of issues. I know a counselor here in NC who recently commented on my daughter's scoliosis surgery and how her post-surgery situation relates to patients he has seen. I assume that means he sees several people who have issues related to scoliosis, but I didn't pry further. I would imagine he could have given me an estimate of the number of scoli patients he sees, without betraying any confidences, but I didn't ask. It just made me think of how there must be many others like yourself who find a need to talk to someone, for instance a counselor, to get additional help. Good luck with your emotions and God be with you! It is really, really good that you are opening up about all this. My daughter hid a lot of her feelings for a long time as she wore a brace for nearly 2 years before she had to have surgery for a 75 degree curve. Kris

rincotato
08-31-2005, 03:44 PM
thanks for the advice, but I'm not really a firm believer in counselors and such like. I'm not really open with my feelings on it to be honest, I don't talk about it much to my family or anyone. The only peron i have sort of tried to explain things to is my close friend, but it didn't do much good because she didn't really understand where I was coming from which is quite understandable I suppose. But thats why I'm glad I've found this website where I can express these feeling to people that DO know what I'm talking about. Thanks evryone who replies to me, I really appreicate it :)

munchkin
09-14-2005, 05:46 PM
Hi I have scoliosis and I hate it! I get sick of trying to cover it up and always worrying about what I can and can't wear, in case people notice, and even if people don't notice i feel like they do. It doesn't even matter to me sometimes whether other ppl notice or not, but it's the fact that I notice it every single time i look in the mirror. I hate everything about it, it makes me feel so unattractive and grossed out! So I just think that that's what other ppl must think too. I get jealous of everyone just for having a normal back and straight spine and even waistline and flat back! I feel so stupid though, because what a thing to be jealous of! But i can't help the way that i feel. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't think my scoliosis is bad enough to need surgery, but I don't know how much longer I can live with it, but I don't know whether it's sensible to consider having surgery because what if something went wrong, or it didn't improve my appearance, would it be worth it? Sorry to go on like this, but I really needed to talk to someone who could understand where I'm coming from. Please someone write back. I need help -x- :confused: :confused: :confused: i was told (after doc. wanted 2 operate) god would heal me by my mom back @1986. i can be 100 diffrent people to 100 diffrent people so that they do not "look" at me i do NOT want anyone to see what i see. i have a small frame and STILL i wear 'unflattering' things when i want to dress like everyone else. if i swim i wear a tshirt, no cute 2 pc for me. this year i have not put on a skirt or shorts. all my pics in the photo album i appear to 'pose' stand just so...
@9 months ago i had this dream (still bugs me) i told my sis i was dead, naked, face down, in a blue room. everybody saw me- how i 'SEE' me. i had no choice- i tried, fought, screamed- but they all (known&unknown people/loved ones) so i woke up. ?what was said/felt? i dont/didnt want 2 know. recently i told my sis i thought it was my bath room (its blue) but th room i was in maybe bath- but it is not the color-blue, it is/was the feeling- blue. i too am jealous- i told my mom i think there ARE perfect people in the world- i see them everyday. i had the chance to have surgary, but mom said NO- so if the doc. wants to i personally would (in a heart beat) or do what ever he would do! (ive had 24yrs. & still gets worse...) i just found out i have been lieing to only ME. people have noticed (mine is bad was 47 deg to l at 14- week after turned 14) but dont speak- one here and there- but the hardest thing is i tried to hide w/o luck- & i LIED to myself.....how stupid i feel. my family did not talk @ i was told 2 ignore/ it'll go away/or not there... if i had had 1 ONE person to NOT shame me i wonder would i feel diffrent?? i know how you feel & if you wasnt some one just to talk too...who wont LOOK at the...(4me shame) i would like to be your friend! hope this helped a small bit....