5 Days Til Surgery

[nicoles mom]

Went To The City Yesterday For The Final Tests Spoke To The Doctor. Surgery Is Going To Be At 1:00 P.m. On March 30. Its Going To Take Four Hours And She Won't Have To Wear A Brace Untill She Comes Back For Her Checkup In 3 Months. Ok The Panic I'm Having Now Is Too Much To Handle. This Is The Worst I Have Felt So Far.
Theresa

[Carmell]

Hang in there Theresa. The anxiety and worry before surgery are often worse than the actual surgery itself. Knowing too much doesn't help. You will do great. So will Nicole. Try to do something each day to meditate and take your mind off the upcoming surgery. You will need all the strength you have to help her recovery be as smooth and comfortable as possible. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Lura]

Theresa,

Hi there! We will be holding each other's hand this week. Alex's surgery should be around 9 am Monday and is expected to take about 5 hours. I don't know if I will have access to a computer, but if you need me to answer any questions, my cell # is 406-490-4776. I know it's weird to give you this, but maybe I can offer something once Alex is done.

We will be okay. But I am right with you in the "wreck" department, my stomach hurts all the time (pretty sure I'm on my way to a good ulser). I keep thinking about Nikki and how nervous she was, and now they are home, so this will be us very soon!

Keep in touch! We are thinking of you and Nicole and praying!

Lura

[phaden]

The Panic I'm Having Now Is Too Much To Handle. This Is The Worst I Have Felt So Far.
Theresa

A clinician I know who deals with people having life stress suggests these two things for "fear-of-the-future panic":

1) Realise that the panic feeling is your body responding in a very primitive way to a perceived threat. This is a great system if you're being chased by a tiger, but nor so useful for a scary event happening sometime in the future. It is constructive to respond to the body's state separately from the actual cause of the anxiety. That is, you can try to get your body to stop producing adrenalin and flipping out by deep breathing, warm baths, prayer, meditation, whatever works for you (I suggested a nice Chardonnay at this point, but she didn't think that was a good long term solution...) This will help deal with the immedate physical sensation of panic, and it doesn't mean that you're not being responsible about your child's surgery.

2) When the panic feeling hits, ask yourself if there is an actual threat to you at this moment. There probably isn't. There is no tiger coming out of the bushes. At this precise minute in time, there is nothing that you need to do, or in fact that you can do to make your child's surgery safer or easier. Letting the higher order part of your brain acknowledge this can help the lower, primitive parts of your brain (which are the ones pumping out the panic chemicals) to settle down.

All this works for me sometimes, doesn't work at other times. All we can do is tread water, and think about how good the ouctome probabilities of this operation are.

Patricia
Scoli Mum from New Zealand
Daughter Caitlin's surgery scheduled for 2nd May

[nicoles mom]

Lura

Lura I Will Be Thinking Of You And Alex. Your Leave Tommorrow Good Luck On Monday I Will Pray For Alex. I Will Also Try To Post I Know Anything Is Going To Be Ok With Are Kids. Tonight Nicole And I Went To A "get Well Party" Her Girl Scout Troop Gave Her. She Had The Best Time And I Was Having A Wonderful Time Myself I Couldn't Thank These Moms Enough For For Putting This Together.

Phaden
Thanks For The Imfor I'll Try It Hope It Works The Party I Just Came Home From Helped Me Alot I 'm Feeling Better.

Carmell
Thanks For The Advice. I 'll Tell You Tonight At The Party I Had A Lots Of Laughs With The Girls. I Couldn't Thank Them Enough This Is What I Needed.
Theresa

[susannajon]

Hi Theresa & Lura,

I so understand exactly what you are feeling. The days leading up to the surgery are just torture. Your conscious mind knows that you have done your research, and you are putting your child in the hands of one of the finest surgeons. Your subconscious mind is a whole different story. I had a nightmare a few nights before surgery of a saber tooth tiger mauling my daughter. The dream actually helped, because I realized what was happening in my subconscious. I began doing positive visualization, imagining the doctor's healing hands repairing her twisted spine. Whenever I felt the panic rising, I would go back to this positive visualization. The night before surgery, I actually slept pretty well. By the time we got to the hospital the morning of surgery, I was feeling calm and strong.

Hang in there!

[nicoles mom]

Hey Susanne

How Is Grace Feeling. Dr. Boachie Says Hi My Husband Was Telling Him That I Chat With You Girls. Anywhy Of Course I Don't Know Your Last Name But When I Told Him Your Daughters Name [grace] He Smiled And Ask How She Was. I Am Feeling A Lot Better. Thrusday When We Went To The Hospital I Guess It Really Hit My Husband And I. And I Know I Can't Get This Way. I Have Many Health Problems And It Is Killing My Iumme System And I Can't Get Sick Now. So No More Panicing I Feel I'm At The Right Place Doing The Right Thing For My Nicole. O Susanne Did They Wash Graces Hair At The Hospital.
Thanks Theresa

[nikyergen]

Theresa,
The staff is very good about washing the girls hair. If you don't see it being offered, don't be affraid to ask to have it done.

A word of encouragement. Crystal is doing very well. She would like to go back to school Monday, two weeks post-op. But, her dad and I feel a week at home won't hurt her. She is doing way better than I expected. She shows sheep, and today we went to pick up one of her market lambs for this summer. She was active in picking it out, along with her dad's protection. When she got home one of her friends stopped by to take her to town for lunch. She got home about 6pm. She had a great day and is getting more active everyday. She is using less pain medication everyday.

She says her back doesn't hurt, that it actually feels better than it did before surgery. She is taking showers and doesn't mind the shower hitting her back. She says it doesn't hurt when someone touches it either. Her biggest complaint is that the incision itches because it is healing. But, I also think she has an incredible pain tolerance.

Keep Nicole encouraged about her recovery. It started in the recovery room for us. We told her how well she had done and how brave she was. She put into her mind that she was going to get up and moving as soon as possible, because she knew she would heal faster. Her worst days in the hospital were days three and four post-op, her oral pain med was making her violently ill. But, she still forced herself to get up each day and move.

Keep yourself positive and it will help you deal with it. I just wish I could express to you how different you will feel when you see Nicole in recovery. It is such an incredible relief to see you child on the other side of this surgery. Crystal's says to tell everyone to keep positive and encouraged. She said that is doesn't do any good to complain about any pain she may have, because the only thing that will take it away is time and healing.

I keep waiting for those bad days at home. They don't seem to be happening. I am hoping that the fact she is an athlete has something to do with it. We have seen her finish playing a basketball game with broken ribs, only to find out when she says she needs to go the the emergency room for xrays.

Don't expect Nicole to "Cowboy Up," that's what we call it at our house, and perform like someone down the hall or anything else. There was a spine patient that had surgery three days after Crystal and her mother noticed how well Crystal was doing and expected the same from her daughter. Crystal finally walked in and told the girl to go at her own pace and not let anyone push her. The girl cried because her mom had been pushing her so hard. I had to explain to the girls mom that Crystal is an athlete and pushes the limit if she has too, and that not every spine patient can do that.

Well, enough of that stuff.

Keep you faith in God, He will see you through this. We will be praying for you as we know exactly how you feel.

'til later,
Nikki

[nikyergen]

Lura,
I know you probably won't see this before you leave. But, want you to know that we are praying for you and Alex. Please keep us posted how his surgery and recovery goes. He will be your super man. I just know he will. The hardest challenge you will have is the communication, but remember the Shriners staff are used to dealing with those challenges. I think I told you before, that I felt like I had the odd ball child on the floor. She could communicate what she wanted. My heart really went out to the parents that were doing their best. You have an incredible family support system. And, no, they aren't disfunctional. Functional to me is the support system, not who's married to who and who's not married. The rest is trivial you know what. We had more support from Craig's family than we did mine. My dad just wanted to start a fight everytime he came to the hospital and my mom was absolutely rude to the nurses. She is a retired R.N. and thinks they don't know as much as her. My mother-in-law, Craig's Aunt & Uncle, and the rest of his family had lots of love and concern for Crystal. So, to me, the most important part of functional is the support system, which it looks like you have a lot of.

I wish I could come hold your hand during Alex's surgery and reassure you everything will be alright. Your whole family is in our prayers, as we know the stress any surgery causes a family. Keep your faith in God, He will see all of you through this.

Love and prayers.

'til later,
Nikki

[Lura]

Theresa,

I'm sorry we won't communicate until after our children's surgeries, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers even as we are getting through.
Thank you for all your kind thoughts, it helps to have others going through this with us!

Until we get to the other side of this, all my best!!

Lura

[Lura]

Nikki,

I had to log on one more time just in case you wrote. I kind of see you as my life line right now, as you were the first to respond to my first thread, and now yours is the last I will read. Thank you so much! I can't seem to quit crying tonight, I think it's because I know that tomorrow I won't be able to because Alex needs me to be strong. Thank you for saying he's going to be my super man, I am going to cling to that statement and I may even call him that as he is recovering. Nikki, I appreciate you so very much!

I'll write when I can.

Lura

[susannajon]

Hi Theresa,

Hang in there! You're doing great, and Dr. Boachie is one of the best surgeons in the world and your baby is going to be fine!

As far as the hair, when she's comfortable sitting up for a while, they will give her a shower and wash her hair. If her hair is long, put it in two braids. That's the best way to minimize knots. My daughter's hair is down to her waist, and she refuses to cut it. It would have been a terrible rat's nest without the braids. They worked great. I just brushed it out and rebraided it every day when PT came to sit her up.

[Risa]

Hello Nicole's Mom,
I just wanted to let you know your in my prayers. We will be thinking and praying.
Risa

[nikyergen]

Theresa,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Nicole during these next few days. Please remember we are all here for you. Keep us posted on Nicole's surgery and recovery. We all know how hard it is.

I wish I could reassure you of the relief when they allow you into the recovery room to see your daughter. I had a whole sense of peace when I saw her laying in her bed. I cried when they wheeled her away to the surgery suite and I cried when they returned her to me in the recovery room. I felt so helpless during that time she was in surgery. Craig tried to take me for a drive. I finally told him I wasn't enjoying myself and just wanted to get back to the hospital. Bless his heart, he took me back and just held me while we waited. It isn't easy, but with prayer and God, you will get through this.

Love and Prayers.

'til later,
Nikki

[lorrie]

Hi Theresa
Just to wish you well and let you know we're thinking of you. Hang on in there.

Lorrie