I am 18 weeks post-op with fusion from T3-sacrum with pelvic fixation. My Dr is Dr. Lonner. I just started back at work part time 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, the commute is about an hour in the car at its worst. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but there's a lot of financial pressure to work.
I find that the reality and permanence of the fusion is hitting me now. I still move awkwardly, have quite a bit of pain, and have a lot of fatigue (1 day at work= 1 day spent in bed.) I feel like I can't bend my back....duh! I didn't realize how awkward my movements would be. I'm scared it's not going to get better. I really don't want to be moving like this the rest of my life. It's a little visible to others, but mostly to me. I feell like I live with the limitations every minute of the day and night. I still wake myself up at night when I scream out in pain (about twice a week). That upsets me so much. It just feels like I can't escape from this for even a moment. It's all-consuming. I can't imagine the rest of my life like this.
It also feels like nobody understands what this is like. People expect me to do "normal" things, to be able to do all the things I did before surgery, and not to need recuperation time. They're not doing it to be mean, it's just automatic because I can do more things and I look like I'm back to myself. But every time I struggle to do something it points out that I can't do it, and it brings back the awareness, to me, that I still have limitations. It makes me angry and so sad. I keep telling myself this will get better, it can't possibly be like this in a few years. I just can't convince myself of it. I'm really scared it won't get better and that I'll always be aware of my limitations.
I find that the reality and permanence of the fusion is hitting me now. I still move awkwardly, have quite a bit of pain, and have a lot of fatigue (1 day at work= 1 day spent in bed.) I feel like I can't bend my back....duh! I didn't realize how awkward my movements would be. I'm scared it's not going to get better. I really don't want to be moving like this the rest of my life. It's a little visible to others, but mostly to me. I feell like I live with the limitations every minute of the day and night. I still wake myself up at night when I scream out in pain (about twice a week). That upsets me so much. It just feels like I can't escape from this for even a moment. It's all-consuming. I can't imagine the rest of my life like this.
It also feels like nobody understands what this is like. People expect me to do "normal" things, to be able to do all the things I did before surgery, and not to need recuperation time. They're not doing it to be mean, it's just automatic because I can do more things and I look like I'm back to myself. But every time I struggle to do something it points out that I can't do it, and it brings back the awareness, to me, that I still have limitations. It makes me angry and so sad. I keep telling myself this will get better, it can't possibly be like this in a few years. I just can't convince myself of it. I'm really scared it won't get better and that I'll always be aware of my limitations.
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