View Full Version : Lots of tears

01-09-2015, 04:03 PM
Today is not a good day. Surgery is in 13 days, I have really bad pain today, my daughter cried while holding me last night (she's 8), and I feel overwhelmed. :(

01-09-2015, 05:09 PM
It's good to express these very normal emotions you are feeling right now. Tomorrow you will be stronger. Do you have something on the allowed list that you can take for pain? The only thing that has saved me from having surgery much earlier (like around your age) is a very supportive and understanding primary care doc who would freely prescribe absolutely anything I wanted to try for pain and muscle spasms. I used a variety of different meds for a long time before my surgery so I am pretty good at knowing what works best for different kinds of pain I have. Many years ago when the pain started, I got in a vicious cycle where as the pain started, I would get afraid of how bad it was going to get, and the fear got to be as debilitating as the pain. If you need an rx, you need to ask for something now. Call your surgeon's office today and ask for help getting through your last week. You have your children to consider as well as yourself and you want to leave them in good shape.

I'm four days away now from my surgery and driving to work today, I felt as light as a helium balloon. Probably because I had a really hard week at work and I knew today was the last time I had to drive in and do this in my current state. And I knew my staff was well prepared for me to be gone as I have been working with them for months getting them ready. My boss cried in my office, which is a little hard to watch and I told her everything would be OK. We have worked together in many places over many years. I think I'm just feeling a little disconnected from the world at this point, but it's just part of my mental preparation.

01-09-2015, 05:47 PM
Thank you so much. Yes, I do have pain meds. I took one but probably need another. I've been seeing a pain management doctor for years. I just don't like to take the meds because of how they make me feel. After the surgery, though, I won't be hesitating to take them. I also won't' be driving or responsible for the kids, so that will help. I actually had to shovel snow today...

I too am looking forward to that last work day, but I'm sure it's bittersweet. I'm so impressed at how calm you sound with 4 days to go. I definitely think there's a mental shutdown right before. It's probably a good thing.

I wish you the best and am sending you a good luck hug! You and I will have a parallel journey here, so we can share it together. :)

01-09-2015, 05:52 PM
Good luck on both of your surgeries going forward. I have had many spine surgeries. December 8th was the latest to repair a broken rod on my SI Joints.

You will both do fine


01-09-2015, 09:02 PM
hi ksmom...

just a suggestion....from a retired NYC licensed social worker...
i worked full time with kids in public schools...
(and with addicts part time nites and wkends...)

sometimes kids will express things to others that they might
not mention to parents...sometimes that is true...sometimes
just suggesting not to hesitate if you feel your daughter...
or YOU for that matter....would like to talk to an objective
therapist....any field...social worker, psychologist, any one...
just because feelings are normal and natural, often does not
make them easier to handle...
especially for children...
sometimes it is nice to have one person who has to listen,
no matter if you or your child are complaining, crying, celebrating,
whatever....there is no worry by the adult of talking "too much"
about the surgery to "friends" or worry for the child that they
are talking to other friends who cannot understand...

i may be prejudiced, having worked in the field, but talking to
a third party, one you have found you like, trust, etc....
can really help....even if just to vent...
and for children it can be incredibly helpful...especially if they
have fears they aren't sure they "should" express elsewhere....

just a suggestion...

wishing you successful surgery and uneventful recovery...
jess...& Sparky

01-09-2015, 09:13 PM
Thank you jrnyc. You are absolutely right. Luckily, both she and I have other resources to talk to as well!

Ksmom, Psy.D.

01-09-2015, 09:22 PM
well, hey Psy.D
didn't know there were credentials right there...
then of course you will know what to watch for...

your daughter is lucky that, if this was gonna be in your lives this way, at least her momma is a smart lady and knows what is what...
that said, i hope it skips a whole bunch of generations in your family.

and i hope your surgery goes so smoothly you forget why you were worried...and your recovery has no bumps whatsoever....nothing like a boring recovery to give a patient reason to be thrilled with a little boredom...

jess...and Sparky

01-10-2015, 12:19 AM
Do you have relaxation tapes?

What would you tell a friend that felt like you do?

I think that you are greatly underestimating your inner strength. Anyone that does not fear the surgery is not normal. You will get through this like all of us have survived it. Do not hesitate to ask friends and relatives to help you with the kids, housekeeping, errands, meals, etc. You would help them if they asked for help.....right? Now it is your turn to ask.

And your husband that is so supportive? Bury yourself in his hugs every day.

I look forward to hearing your stories about your recovery.
You are in my thoughts....I am sending you healing vibes. Don't hesitate to reach out and talk with someone. I have because my hospitalization was emotionally draining.

Keep us posted. And today was not a good day? Life will look better tomorrow. My brother say, "Take it one day at a time". Take lots of deep breaths.....remember that childbirth relaxation breathing or any relaxation breathing?

You are in good company here. We did it and you will too. I believe that you are stronger than you think that you are.