advise from all mommies with little kids after surgery!

[Heidiv2]

If anyone has any advise for me after surgery with my kids it would be greatly appreciated. Here is my situation......

1. my almost 15 mo. old will be staying with my parents for at least 3 weeks after my returning home and "visiting" me.

2. my 6 year old is pretty independent with most things

3. have a great, supportive husband who is well aware that he will being "doing it all" with them for quite a while. He also runs a business out of our home, so is able to be very flexible.

4. have my parents who live about 25 miles away who are willing to help a lot.(as you can see from #1.)

Thanks for any advice

[loves to skate]

Welcome Heidi,
Bad news, you have scoliosis, Good news, you have a wonderful support system. I can't advise anything about the kids. They will be a joy for you and a very good reason for you to recover. Think positive thoughts.
Sally

[JenniferG]

I don't have little kids, but I think it's going to be hard.

There are a few Moms here, who struggle in those first couple of months. You're so lucky your supportive husband works from home. Picking up a toddler will not be allowed for a few months. I think it's hard for all Moms but particularly those with toddlers, because there's so much bending and picking up involved. But perhaps your 6 y.o. will be able to help too. You may find your 6 y.o. will shine through this period and be invaluable. I also think it's good for kids, even very young kids, to help out and feel helpful and valuable, which they are.

When my little grandaughters visited, they would rush to pick things up, fetch things, and do little chores for me. They just loved to help and even now, they still rush to pick things up for me when they see me bend. They just want to be helpful. They were four, three and 1 at the time.

Best of luck!

[Confusedmom]

Look up posts by JenM. She has young kids and has had a lot to deal with. Not to scare you, but just to prepare you. I think help is a MUST for at least three months with a 15-month old. You will not be able to put her in a car seat by yourself, from what I can tell. (Maybe your six-year-old can help?)

On the positive side, it will be SOOO nice to have this over with while your kids are still young, and you can be active with them as they grow!!!

Evelyn

[Davis]

I'm not a mom, I'm a Dad, but here is what I'd say ... Sounds like you have a supportive husband, give your love and let him give his and keep the channel of communication WIDE open. We tend to draw inward in times of stress, everything associated with this is extra stress on top of the normal typical day to day stress we all go through living as a family. Keep that connection with him on whichever level, I'm sure he's scared as hell of losing you and only wants the best for you so you can get back up to being a dynamic force in your very own family. Cling to your family and your recovery both at once. Find strength as only you can. Think broad thoughts.

[JenM]

Hi Heidiv2-

Welcome to the forum!! I had my operation back in June. I will be 4 months post-op on Oct. 8. When I had my operation, my daughter just turned 3 years old and my son is 5 years old. These past 4 months have been so much more difficult than I ever expected. If I were to do it all over again, I think I would have waited another 2 years until my youngest was 5 years old. My husband took about 3 weeks off of work in June and I basically had full time help all summer. But my sitter went back to college about 3 weeks ago and now I am on my own. I get up every morning at 6am to get my son off to kindergarten. Have to wake up that early since the bus picks him up at 7:15am. Around 4pm in the afternoon I am about to collapse. I am basically on my own with the kids since my husband usually gets home around 9pm from work. Before my surgery I had alot of energy. My endurance feels totally shot now. I have to lay down from 3-5pm in order to make it with my kids at night. I was so worried about the surgery before I got my actual surgery and always thought the recovery wouldn't be that bad. It is a very slow recovery. I have had neck/shoulder pain to boot ever since the surgery. It is a new pain - never had this new pain on my left side of my neck/shoulder before the surgery. Pain plus dealing with the kids all day is alot to deal with. Because of this, I feel like I am battling bouts of depression. I've never been depressed my entire life, so this is new too.

Anyway, keep in mind that everyone recovers differently. Just wanted to let you know, if I were to do it all over again, I would wait about 2 or 3 years until my kids were self sufficient. Even though I don't have to pick my youngest one up, watching them all day, doing laundry, making meals, keeping up with the housework, bills, driving them to sporting events, playdates, etc is alot to handle after having the spinal fusion surgery. I think once my endurance level increases, I'll be better. Just feel exhausted day after day.

Let me know if you have any other questions. I check the posts on this forum everyday.

Best of luck to you!

JenM

[Heidiv2]

Thanks to all for replying, well needless to say, I'm scared silly and REALLY not looking forward to the recovery with the kids around. But, I am blessed to have a lot of support and like I said, my husband can be so flexible with his hours etc. I just have to hold onto my pants and go with the flow I guess. The doc thinks that this is prime time to get this done as I am super flexible as of yet and no health issues to speak of, he said every year that I wait is less correction and chances of more complications. I have been his patient since 2000 so I trust him a great deal. Everyone here makes me feel, at least, like I am not alone in the world. JenM, I am sending you a message.

[JennyRN]

Hi Heidi,
I had my initial fusion June 17 and my daughter had just turned 4 and my son was 19 months at the time. I had several complications you can read about if you look up my other posts. Like you, I had a good family support system.

One of the best things I did was schedule for the first 4 weeks who was taking care of the kids (husband, mother, mother-in-law) before my surgery so we all knew the "plan." I even did a color coded calendar (I know, a little too OCD) for my daughter to see who would be keeping her. It worked well. We also had a rule that the kids would not spend more than two nights away from home. My mom or mother-in-law stayed with us alot so they would be in their own environment and I think that helped both ME and THEM.

I also talked with both kids like the surgery was "no big deal" that the doctor was going to straighten out my back because it was crooked. We kept telling my little boy over and over that I wouldn't be able to pick him up and he would have to just sit/lay beside me. We even "practiced" that several times. And he did amazing with that afterwards. He would come to the bed and crawl up and just lay there smiling at me.

I enlisted my daughter's help decorating my walker with her stickers. She loved that! Anything that I could do to include them, I did.

Since my last surgery 6 weeks ago, things are slowly starting to get to a "new normal" again. I still have either my mom or mother-in-law with me through the week since I can't pick up the little one and I'm still on pain meds and muscle relaxers and I can't drive my daughter to preschool and gymnastics. (She started gymnastics for her this summer to have something special to look forward to.)

I personally think that if you talk with them on a frequent basis about the upcoming surgery in a way they can understand and involve them in any way that you can it will make it seem like they are a part of everything. Even your little one will amaze you with what she is able to understand even if she can't communicate back to you. And remember that months down the road, overall this surgery will enable you to be a better mom! Good luck!

[Heidiv2]

Thanks JennyRN, yes we have been "practicing" a lot. especially with the 15 mo old. She doesn't "get it" but I think likes her new freedom to do a little more and is generally a pretty independent girl (as much as you can be at that age). She is not a "need to be rocked or carried around" kinda kid. I am going to try to keep my 6 year old's routine the same, school bus/school, after school program, home when hubby home etc. Unfortunately my parents don't want to come to our home to stay at all but are more than willing to just keep our 15 mo old at their home and send her to day care as before until around 3-4 weeks out (she stays with them 3 days a week, and daycare 2 days a week so that is sort of her usual routine anyway). She has stayed with overnight with them for long weekends or other nights here and there so it is kind of her second home. She will come and "visit me" with them and stay when daddy is home, etc. Hopefully this will be enough of their usual routine to keep them until it gets a little better. I spoke with my daycare and they are willing to get her in and out of the car for me when I return to work, and hubby can put her in and out for me at home. Mom and dad said the same for the days that she goes to their home. My brain is just churning with new worries every minute. My husband's business is booming but it slows down once the weather starts turning cold so hopefully he will have a lot of time without pressure to return too soon.

I think the idea of the stickers, etc with the kids is a good one.