Help Post-Op

Hi Everyone,

Another question for immediately post-op!

My parents live out of state and are wondering when is a good time to come visit me - while I'm in the hospital or once I get home. Since my husband will be helping me with a lot of the physical stuff - showering and whatnot - what is there really left to "help" with? I know cooking and cleaning will be on that list, but is there anything else? Is it a help or a burden to have people stopping in a lot when you first get home?

No one will be staying with us, as we have a small place.

Thank you!

[Doodles]

Maybe it's just me since I'm a pretty private person, but those who dropped by didn't really help me much at the beginning. I'd force myself to stay up and say I was OK and then regret it later. Early on you're too out of it to make conversation anyway. I barely remember my week in the hospital and then a week in rehab. I was lucky to have my husband and my grown daughters took turns helping out in the weeks after. I felt totally comfortable with that. Personally, I would think you we need them most after you get home unless your husband wouldn't be with you at the hospital. Janet

[Susie*Bee]

You sound like maybe you are young... and that makes a little difference. I know I definitely wasn't up for visitors in the hospital-- other than my husband, who was there quite a bit-- and my grown daughter and her husband came for a short one. But even so, it wasn't a "visiting" type visit-- more just a "being there" visit.

If your parents are coming to help you out, I would think sometime after you get home would be more convenient-- even after a few weeks home. Your mom could cook and freeze meals or do things like that, unless you would just as soon buy convenience meals for awhile. Even after you first get home from the hospital, I doubt that you will be up for a lot of visiting, but you will definitely appreciate someone doing the housework and things like that-- and your husband may appreciate a break from some of his new chores too. How long will he be home to help you out? It might even be better for them to come after he has to go back to work???? Just trying to throw out some food for thought here.

I think a lot of us just didn't have the strength for enjoying our families at first. If you have "round the clock" help with your husband for awhile, but your parents want to come help at some point in time, I think you're being very smart in trying to figure out when a good time would be.

[jsully]

I had no problem with visitors. In fact it lifted my spirits. Except for the first or second night when I WAS out of it! Take Care.
Janet

[Susie*Bee]

Janet-- that's good to hear-- and why I mentioned the age factor. There was no way I could have visited with people.

[JenniferG]

I don't think you'll know until when the time comes. It will depend on how you're feeling both physically and mentally. If you're recovering well, you might enjoy visitors and having people in the house, cooking and cleaning. If not, well, you might wish them away.

I am the only member of my family in Australia. One daughter lives o/s, the other at the time had three kids under 4 so when she visited, it took all her time to keep the kids off me, and under control, without cooking and cleaning! My partner continued working so I was home alone most of the time. But because I enjoy my own company, it didn't bother me. Not everyone's the same. A good friend visited every day wanting to help but I wouldn't let her, preferring her to sit down with a cup of tea with me and talk. It made me feel normal and not an invalid. We let the house-work go to pack during that first 6-8 weeks, my partner doing only what was absolutely necessary. It mattered not! (You just have to turn a blind eye!)

[ADMoul]

Everyone's different. I was 4 hours from home in the hospital so I only had my husband there which was probably just as well.The day I got home we had a major blizzard which certainly kept the visitors away for a while, although I really felt OK to talk to people. We do not have children and both sets of parents are deceased so we had some other family, friends and neighbors that really pitched in to help with things. My husband took 4 weeks FMLA leave from his job and was a tremendous support. Like Jennifer G, I am comfortable on my own with a good book and just hanging out with my 2 dogs and cat. Don't be afraid to ask for help or say no if you don't feel up to something.

[ShariMSU]

I agree that everyone is different. I'll share my experience. In the hospital my husband was with me all the time, my Dad came on the second day and he was horrified as I was not doing well (Thank goodness I don't remember details) by the 4th day I had a few other family come, but they did not stay long at all as I tired so. I recommend minimal visitors at the hospital. Also, the first week at home I did not want visitors. I was just so out of it.
Again, that was me, I like to suffer in private.
After the first week my Mom and Dad came by alot and it did help. Especially in the dark gloomy rain of spring.