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View Full Version : It's 4:17am - worst night of my life!!!



LynetteG
05-21-2010, 03:21 AM
I have had a problem with rats in my attic - called the rat guy out - he's been out twice now, keeps putting traps down etc., after his last time out I thought maybe it would solve my problem. After the first time he came out he put down two traps, no rodents were caught. The last time he came out he put four traps up there, and each night I'm still hearing the activity. He comes back out tomorrow - so we'll see if any rodents were caught, but obviously they are still alive up there. I was woken up at 2:45am, and since then haven't been able to get back to sleep, and I'm in pain, and uncomfortable, and getting the hot sweats and freezes - horrible horrible night.

Sometimes at night I feel very vulnerable and scared about everything, knowing that these rods are permanent in my back now, praying with all my heart that they fuse and nothing goes wrong. Being alone taking care of my sons, I have stupid things go through my head, what if something needed my quick reaction in the middle of the night, I would be useless right now to protect my babies as I move around like an old lady.

Guess I'll feel better in the daylight - sure hope so.

Goodnight all!

JenniferG
05-21-2010, 04:43 AM
Sorry to hear you're having a rotten night Lynette. Having been a single mother, I know how vulnerable you feel when everyone relies on you and you can't afford to get ill or incapacitated. Nights are the worst. Not sure if others are like this, but I find I have an overactive imagination at night. Sometimes it's good, I think outside the square and come up with all sorts of good ideas, but it can work the other way and scare the living daylights out of you!

With the light, everything will seem better. I hope you have some medication that can help with the pain. Don't be too brave and suffer unnecessarily. It won't help with the way you're feeling.

I hope you can get some sleep before those boys of yours come bounding in, full of wants and needs! - Or are they with their father this weekend? Is this your first night alone?

LynetteG
05-21-2010, 04:49 AM
Jennifer - the kids go to their father today. I am about to start getting their breakfast ready and get them ready for school. I never went back to sleep so I will be very tired later, and I can't nap cuz rat guy is coming over. Thanks for your encouraging words. :)

Vali
05-21-2010, 07:40 AM
Hi Lynette, hope things seem better today. Try to get some rest after the pest guy goes. Do you have a pet, that could keep you company? I always have our dog inside if my husband goes away on business, he's like my 'alerter'. Hope you have a relaxing day and try not to worry about all those other things.

foofer
05-21-2010, 09:19 AM
Lynette,

I'm very happy that you posted about your fears. Those are the deeper sentiments that surround a life-changing event like this.

I think many of us have those middle of the night thought bombs. I will feel such a thought sneak in and I think,"Ok, here we go" and then it's no sleep til 5 a.m. which seems to be my magic hour to fall back to sleep. Then you have to get up an hour or two later anyway.

Can you call the "Pest People" :D and ask them to put you into a specific time slot like 10-12 or 3-4? Explain to them (comically) that you were up all night with back surgery and beasties in the belfry and you would love to get some rest today. It may work.

I had a moment a couple months ago when I was on the computer (on the forum of course) and a rogue mouse was torturing me, running around the room so fast he was a blur. I was typing with my feet on my desk chair and for days he ignored all the enticing mouse traps around the place.

Justice prevailed.

Have a great nap today, Lynette. All will be well.

mbeckoff
05-21-2010, 09:54 AM
Lynette,

what ever happened with your leg pain?I know that you were scheduled to have a test done on May 4th . I cannot see to find any information about it

Melissa

golfnut
05-21-2010, 03:36 PM
Lynette,
I'm sorry to hear about your rat problem on top of trying to take care of yourself and your boys. How was your night out with the girls?
I've read on this forum of several people going through withdrawal when trying to reduce the pain medications. Does that happen with everyone?

Confusedmom
05-21-2010, 03:40 PM
Lynette,

Sorry about your night. My husband travels a lot and I can relate to that feeling of how do you take care of your kids if you're incapacitated? Sometimes I go in my daughter's room and sleep with her. Are your boys old enough that one of them could sleep with you to keep you company (and help YOU if you need it)?

Evelyn

Back-out
05-21-2010, 09:18 PM
foofer

Lynette,

I'm very happy that you posted about your fears. Those are the deeper sentiments that surround a life-changing event like this.


Likewise. It's important for all of us to vent our fears and pain. Maybe the special private fears, most of all. Who else can we discuss them with? (And even if they're idiosyncratic by life situation - though not as much as we may imagine - they're all in the context of our shared MAJOR commonality).

It helps both the venter and the listener who like as not, is mulling over his or her own waking nightmares, especially when sleep won't come.

FWIW I am mostly listening to demonic squirrels chewing overhead when I'm posting here. Their lair is right over my PC. Sometimes I scream at them or bang the ceiling with a broomstick (not the riding kind). If I let them get too complacent they'll want to renew their lease.

Must call the creature reachers tomorrow. I worry about the rafters (what ARE they chewing? It's not tobaccy! :eek:) and worse still, the wiring, I used to think they were so cute. A LONG time ago. :mad:

There is no greater responsibility than that for children and raising them alone is always terrifying if you think about it - especially if you're really all alone. People-wise, anyhow. Don't know about you, but I was. You just have to do one thing at a time and figure God sees even if no one else does. Sometimes you just squeak by, but you always do! When they look up to you, KNOWING you can do anything, well, you just - pull on your cape, and when necessary, fly.

My memories of those times are always there, as if they were the day before yesterday.

Once, I had to sign myself out of the hospital ER against medical advice with pneumonia and a fever or 105 orally. X had refused to keep my older son even one extra day. Wouldn't even pick up the antibiotics for me even though the last pharmacy was about to close that Saturday night (and back then, none were open on Sunday!).

An angelic teenaged sitter managed to get them for me by banging on the already darkened doors of Rite Aid after grabbing payment from my secret stash in the house. Another angel, a freshman from the local uni, agreed to spend the night, just the dark part (all she had). I handed her the baby when I staggered in the door (don't remember any of the drive home), took the medicine and woke up in the morning - alive. Contrary to all my expectations.

Both girls were gone. My son was dropped off soon after, sick with asthma and flu. The baby was sick too (I'd only gone to the ER for him; the pneumonia struck during our long wait!). I juggled ten prescription medicines for over a week, writing times and names on note cards. When I went over them later, three days were missing. Don't know where they went, but we survived.

The good guys win, somehow. Or, at least, survive! You're a good guy. :) The worst is already over. You're a Super-Hero! There are only a few rats left, and they don't have a chance against you. None of the dark forces do. Stand tall! You did the right thing and you can do anything now.

Motherhood gives us super-powers. (I sure couldn't have done it alone!)
You're not really alone when you're a mother, and I don't mean your kids. God gives us backbone when our own gives out. By "God" it doesn't matter what you read - something bigger and stronger than you. Mothering you so you can mother them.
Someday, you'll look back on all this and you yourself won't know how you did it. BUT "YOU" ALWAYS WILL, come what may. (And - hint - you'll feel proud of yourself!).

The morning always comes.

LynetteG
05-22-2010, 03:03 PM
Melissa - my leg pain started to improve on Mother's Day ever so slightly, which was fantastic, and ever since then it is very slowly improving all the time, I can actually feel the nerve tingling from time to time which lets me know it's coming back alive. So I still walk very slowly and limping a little, but I know it's improving all the time - thank goodness!

Karen - last night I went out with my mother and her cousin who is visiting us from England, my two best friends, and my brother all met us in a Clearwater Beach Hotel. We met on the 8th floor out by their pool which had a most fabulous view of the entire Clearwater Beach. We watched a gorgeous sunset, however, I did not have the cocktail I was looking forward to. I ordered a very weak Vodka and diet coke (my favorite drink) and took two sips, which made me feel a little woozy. So I realized my body was not ready for alcohol, in fact, just the thought afterward then of putting alcohol in my body, make me feel sick. I had taken two percocets yesterday - one at 7am, and one at 11am, so I think they are still in my system, so I will wait a couple more weeks before I have my next girl's night out, and probably have a little drink then. But the evening was great, I love watching the beautiful sunsets that I'm so blessed to see here in Florida. I lasted a couple of hours, then I was hurting pretty bad, and felt very vulnerable out there, so I wanted to go home after that.

Back Out - my goodness - you sure have had some really rough times! You're an amazing lady. Thanks for your nice words of encouragement. By the way, I think you could write a book - you are a great writer!

Also - I no longer wear my brace. I've lost a lot of weight, and the brace doesn't sit right on me anymore, and digs into my body causing me bruising where it's not sitting right. So now wherever I go I carry my pillow, and I feel so much more comfortable now. The only thing I don't like though is that people can't see that I've had surgery, I kind of liked warning people, hey keep away from me because as you can see I'm wearing this brace because I've had surgery, now I'm a little nervous of people banging into me, or slapping me on the back etc.

It turns out by the way - it wasn't rats, it was squirrels nesting in my attic - they have now been given some stuff to get them out of there fast. So far so good - didn't hear anything last night, so hopefully they're gone!

On Tuesday I will be completely off the meds - YAHOO - can't wait!!!!

jrnyc
05-22-2010, 09:34 PM
hey Lynette
so glad that you could get out for a little while! and about the alcohol...yes, your pain meds were most likely still in your system..when patients have been taking meds for more than a day or so, it takes longer to leave the system...i know that as a patient and as a former drug and alcohol counselor! (my previous to retirement second job :))

so good that you are healing...i remember your post about leg pain...so am glad to hear that you feel you are back going in the right direction for getting better!

best regards
jess

golfnut
05-22-2010, 09:52 PM
Lynette,
I'm so glad you got to have an evening out, even if you couldn't have a cocktail. Not having a glass of wine or a vodka tonic will be a change for me following surgery, but you do what you have to do. Did you read David Wolpert's book, Scoliosis Surgery? It has been so helpful to me and I plan to reread it before surgery. He wrote about being petrified that someone would inadvertently bump into his back or innocently slap him on the back, which is exactly what you said. He also talked about how natural it is to get frustrated and depressed and feel that you will never be able to do anything again. I don't have much patience, so maybe I can remember that it is natural to have bumps in the road. I'm glad to hear that your leg is getting better. Keep us posted on your progress.

LynetteG
05-23-2010, 08:17 AM
Jess - Thanks for your nice words. Interesting what you said about the alcohol and the pain pills - I just KNEW that my body still had the pain pills strong in my body, and just didn't have the desire to have a drink - and that's okay with me, I don't need a drink to have fun :)

Golfnut - Yes I did read David Wolpert's book, and have referred to it many many times. Fantastic book, I'm really glad he wrote it. I had read it from front to back many times before my surgery, and after the surgery again :)

ShariMSU
05-23-2010, 07:03 PM
Hi Lynette - I agree middle of the night can really freak you out. It is getting better for me. I really try to wear myself out so I can sleep good.
I am also finding keeping a good book that I can read has helped.
Prayers are with you.

LynetteG
05-23-2010, 08:39 PM
Thank you Shari - yes I have a book next to my bed always. I love to read and my routine for years is to read in bed before I go to sleep :)