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View Full Version : Surgery on Tuesday May 4th -feeling ???



mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 12:44 PM
My surgery is 5 days from now . I feel ? I don't know what I feel . I cannot seem to do anything that I need to do. I have errands that I have to get done now before my surgery but I just do not have the will power to do them.It is not like I don't have the energy.This is the first day all week that I have energy but I don't want to use it.I have things that I must do around the house but again I do not want to do them. One minute, I wish the surgery was today . The next minute I am scared about it. Is this normal or am I losing it?

Thanks

Melissa

jrnyc
04-29-2010, 12:58 PM
hi Melissa
i wonder if it is coming from stress...and i wonder if you are ambivalent about the surgery...you want it but fear it...? that is just a guess from a social worker...please excuse me if i am way off...

you have my sympathy...i think i will go nuts when my surgery comes up...wanting to cancel one minute, get it over with the next...

jess

mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 01:05 PM
I really want it.The pain has gotten really bad lately but yes I am very frightened of the whole operation and hospital .I have never spent a night in a hospital except for when my children were born. I have never been a patient before. I have always been the patient's daughter ,wife or mother. I have always been the one in charge and now I have to depend on others.That is what is really frightening to me.

Doodles
04-29-2010, 01:26 PM
I think this sounds pretty normal. I kept exercising and kept really busy. I wish I had a magic answer for you. You know it's for the overall good but it is scary. Try to keep thinking positive thoughts & know we're all on here cheering you on and praying for the best. You can do this! Janet

jrnyc
04-29-2010, 01:29 PM
Try to put your trust in your surgeon and his team...dont be afraid to ask for things...that is what the professionals are there for...this is your time to get the help you need to go on with your life...and be rid of the pain...your dependence on others wont last forever...just till you are better...

jess

mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 02:00 PM
I know but I just hate that letting go feeling .

Melissa

JenniferG
04-29-2010, 02:26 PM
There's little anyone can say that helps. It's one of those things, we just have to get through as best we can. It's not easy. That letting go is very difficult, but you trust your surgeon, don't you? Then just know that he will be doing his level best to ensure the rest of your life is as pain-free as possible. Look forward to that.

The days will pass, you'll find yourself in the holding bay outside theatre, hopefully gaga with medication (ask for it, you won't have a care in the world) - then you will be waking up with this all behind you. Everyone will be highly skilled, everyone will be doing their best to make this as easy as possible for you. Anything not done at home won't matter. There are more important things - you! For a brief period in time, you will have others putting YOU first, rather than you putting others first.

It will all work out. *hugs*
Jen

mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 02:31 PM
There's little anyone can say that helps. It's one of those things, we just have to get through as best we can. It's not easy. That letting go is very difficult, but you trust your surgeon, don't you? Then just know that he will be doing his level best to ensure the rest of your life is as pain-free as possible. Look forward to that.

The days will pass, you'll find yourself in the holding bay outside theatre, hopefully gaga with medication (ask for it, you won't have a care in the world) - then you will be waking up with this all behind you. Everyone will be highly skilled, everyone will be doing their best to make this as easy as possible for you. Anything not done at home won't matter. There are more important things - you! For a brief period in time, you will have others putting YOU first, rather than you putting others first.

It will all work out. *hugs*
Jen

That is the best part of this whole thing, I think.The fact that I will be coming first instead of the other way around.I cannot remember the last time that has happened ,I guess,It was 15 years ago was I was pregnant with my last child

jrnyc
04-29-2010, 02:51 PM
Oh, Melissa...then you are long overdue!!
it's about time you put your feet up, let others take care of you, and know that the world will keep spinning... and your loved ones will be fine... for the months it takes for you to feel up to your old self, only a new, improved and better form!

jess

JenniferG
04-29-2010, 03:13 PM
Many of us spend our lives breaking our backs doing everything for everyone, for whatever reason: Control? Wanting some appreciation? (forget it, it doesn't happen that way.) Wanting to be useful? Wanting to make others' lives easier? Whatever the reason, we tend to forget that in our hour of need, we also, are deserving of help and it's quite surprising to discover that when we ask for it, others are more than happy to give it.

I hate asking for help, but what I found is people came out of the woodwork, with offers of help and I knew it came from the heart. I accepted and appreciated the help I received, knowing it wasn't going to be for long and the people giving the help enjoyed giving it. This surgery can be quite a changing experience. In many ways.

gmw
04-29-2010, 03:22 PM
Hi Melissa -- Such good support on this forum. I'm excited for you.:) I've been thinking about you as your date has been nearing. I feel I'm going to be the same way the closer I come to my surgery date. I'm ready to get it over with, but I'll confess there is a certain amount of anxiety too. It sounds like most folks on here have these same feelings. My pre-op is May 5 and I'm sure when I start talking with anesthesiologists and signing papers, my anxiety level is going to go sky high. :eek:

Wishing you the very best!!

Glenda

golfnut
04-29-2010, 04:15 PM
This forum is so helpful. By the time my surgery rolls around, I will have thought about it daily for 10 months. I have never been in the hospital over night. I worry about my two dogs and the burden this surgery is going to be on my husband. I think about the lack of a social life for months.
Friends have already volunteered to help. I think I'll find out who my true friends are during recovery. One minute, I dread the whole procedure and have fears of what my life will be like with 2 rods and screws in my back. The next minute, I just want to fast forward to a couple of months after the surgery. I keep thinking that I have to trust Dr. Lenke's comment that with my curve progression that my prognosis would not be good without surgery.

debbei
04-29-2010, 05:19 PM
Melissa,

These are defnitely the hardest days. The anticipation is exciting/terrifying all at the same time. You will be on the other side before you know it.

Good luck, I know you'll do great.

mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 08:35 PM
Well, I finally did manage to get dressed and go out and do my errands today.Part of why I am feeling so ?? is that next Sunday is Mother's day which I did not even realize .Both of my parents are gone and I so want my mommy here to take care of me. When I got to the stores, signs are all over the place telling you that it is Mother's Day. Both of my kids are special needs kids and they do not understand the concept of holidays and gift giving and cards. They tell me and show in many ways that they love me and appreciate thru out the year, but it would be nice to get a card on Mother's Day

Melissa

golfnut
04-29-2010, 08:49 PM
Good luck with your surgery. We'll all be thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery. Be sure to let us know how you are doing.

LynetteG
04-29-2010, 09:09 PM
Melissa - I totally understand how you are feeling. I had felt like that prior to surgery. About a couple of weeks prior, I remember sitting round thinking I had so much to do, and not feeling like actually doing it, and feeling kind of blah. I mentioned in another post that just two days prior to surgery though I got this sense of calm, a feeling of acceptance. I just felt like okay, I accept all of this, I know that everything will be fine, the doctor knows what he's doing, my family will be there for me, I'm sick of having this pain from scoliosis so I know this is the best thing to do, so here I go. And everything went smoothly from that moment onwards. And it will go smoothly for you too. You'll do just great Melissa, and in a blink of an eye, it will all be behind you. Hugs to you Melissa. I will be thinking of you in my thoughts and prayers, and can't wait to hear from you afterwards.

mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 09:19 PM
thanks everyone .In my mind,I know that it will be fine. It is just my heart that is scared
Melissa

foofer
04-29-2010, 09:28 PM
Melissa,

We will all be thinking of you on tues. You will be in all of our hearts.

If you go to the grocery store before Monday, buy yourself some helium balloons. Take them home, write your fears on each one of them....then take them outside and let them go!

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs...

mbeckoff
04-29-2010, 09:37 PM
Melissa,

We will all be thinking of you on tues. You will be in all of our hearts.

If you go to the grocery store before Monday, buy yourself some helium balloons. Take them home, write your fears on each one of them....then take them outside and let them go!

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs...

What a great idea!

howver, my daughter would kill me.That is a very bad thing to do for the environment.

mbeckoff
04-30-2010, 02:46 PM
Well, today I am feeling like crap. I am being sued by my only living relative , my brother over my late dad's money.I get a call from my lawyer that if I can;t find these papers that I can't find my brothers lawyer is going to ask the court that my husband and I be hit with these financial sanctions that can be hundreds of thousands of dollars, money We don't have

On top of that, my husband , who has already been DX as being mentally ill but refusing to do anything about has been very verbally abusive to us all here.

This ,of course, is doing wonders for my mood

Melissa

jrnyc
04-30-2010, 02:53 PM
Oh Melissa...i am so sorry that you have so much to deal with...so much stress on top of your anxiety about the surgery...i hope there are some friends that you can vent to...
or just vent on here...everyone will understand!

you will be in my thoughts and prayers on Tuesday, and until you are all healed and back on your feet again!

jess

JenniferG
04-30-2010, 03:28 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your home situation. You're dealing with too much right now. Once your surgery is over, and you're on the road to recovery, you will handle the other stuff a lot better. Can it all be put on hold for a month? Does the lawyer know you're facing this surgery?

naptown78
04-30-2010, 03:56 PM
Melissa,
I know you will be in the hospital on Mother's Day so I wanted you to have this early Mother's Day wish from me! Try not to think about all the crap your family is piling on you at this time. Like Jess said, vent to us (we are your friends ;-).
You will be stronger after surgery and in better shape to deal with all of that.

loves to skate
04-30-2010, 03:59 PM
Melissa,
I can't offer any advice. Just know you will be in my thought and prayers for your surgery May 4th and for your serious personal problems.
Sally

gmw
04-30-2010, 04:00 PM
Melissa -- I'm so sorry you're having to deal with these difficult family issues right now. These things you are encountering are difficult to face at any time, but especially when you're preparing for major surgery in just a few days. You need all your strength focused on getting yourself ready both physically and emotionally. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

mbeckoff
04-30-2010, 08:36 PM
Thanks so much. I just don't know how much more I can handle with out having a nervous breakdown.I have lived for 30 years with my husband who is mentally ill and refuses to get help for himself.I have 2 special needs children who I have been a full time mother to for the past 17 and 15 years with no help from any one . I have diabetes, fibromayligia, migraines , carpal tunnel syndrome and other assorted aliments.I have this lawsuit hanging over my head. If it wasn't for my children, I really would not have any reason to live.

Thanks for listening

LynetteG
04-30-2010, 09:16 PM
OH MY GOD Melissa - I can't believe what is happening to you right before surgery. I had a similar (but very different scenario) right before my surgery and am still dealing with a lot of crap from my ex. I really feel for you and wish I could wave a magic wand for you to take away all the crappy people in your life that are putting you through this. Why do people do this to us right at a time when we most don't need it. Why oh why? The only advice I can give you. This at least is what I did to cope Melissa. I completely ignored all the BS - and focused only on the surgery - focused only on what was going to happen to me and getting well, because everything else I figured would fall into place, which it does. The attorney needs to know - your brother's attorney, that you are about to have a major surgery, because then the case can be put on hold, and then while you are in recovery they can do diddly squat till you are fully recovered, and you can draw that out for up to a year or more until you feel one hundred percent better and ready to fight. So I'd completely put that court case out of your mind right now Melissa. Sorry to hear about your husband too, what a messy situation, and then the hardship of your taking care of your children. God must know you're a strong lady, otherwise he wouldn't put so much on your plate, he knows you can handle it though, and I know you can handle it. Melissa - everything will be great. You'll get through this. One step at a time. Get through the surgery. Then you'll get stronger, you'll feel great, you'll be a brand new Melissa with a brand new back. Then you can fight all these rotten people, and your world will become a better place. I believe in you Melissa, you are a lady warrior - ok? You're in my prayers Melissa. I know you can do it. XX OO

golfnut
04-30-2010, 09:48 PM
Melissa,
I'm fairly new to the forum, but have been reading it for a few months, so I have been tracking Lynette and others. Lynette's advice makes a lot of sense. I think the forum is a great place to vent your frustrations. I will be thinking of you and hoping for a speedy recovery for you and a resolution of your problems down the road. For once, you need to put yourself first.

gmw
05-01-2010, 06:27 AM
Lynette -- What a sweet note from someone who is in so much pain themselves. You are so right, the court case can be put on hold. My husband had a similar situation with his sisters recently about their "home place". It went on for nearly two years. These things can certainly be delayed.

rohrer01
05-01-2010, 07:59 AM
Melissa,
I'm just wishing you the best. It will be over before you know it. I haven't had scoli surgery, but I have had multiple other surgeries. I think the anticipation is the worst part, but soon will be a thing of the past. I have a friend that has special needs children and I see how it is worth every minute to her, but she is totally drained at the end of the day. Just get the care that YOU need for a change so that you can feel better. I'm sure if we all lived close to each other, everyone here would pitch in to help. But all we have are the message boards to support each other. So please accept my
((((HUGS))))!!!!:)

foofer
05-01-2010, 08:59 AM
Melissa,

Please add ME TOO!! to your growing list of supporters. And please listen to Lynette...I believe she is 100% right. Try to get a delay on these court actions- you certainly have the proof that you are undergoing a hardship...

If you make yourself a list in order of importance, you will clearly see that your surgery comes first. As Lynette advised, focus on that first, get well into the recovery phase, and then you can tackle these problems one by one.

You need to go into your operation with a positive attitude- everyone has said that again and again....let them take care of you there. Ask for plenty of warm blankets in the hospital (love those things!), bring a stuffed animal, be a child for a few days. There's plenty enough time to be a grown up again later.

Big careful hugs to you,
Amy

Doodles
05-01-2010, 08:25 PM
Melissa--
Another supporter here. I'm so sorry all of this has piled up on you now. In your mind you'll have to box it up, put it on a shelf, and slam the door shut. You need to just concentrate on you now. Whatever helps you relax and destress (easier said than done, of course) you need to do big time. Many prayers coming your way. Think of all of us blanketing you in calm, peace, and healing prayers as you go for surgery!! You need to do this for you. Janet

Wishing
05-01-2010, 08:41 PM
Dear Melissa, I'm sorry you are having so much stress right now. I think the time before surgery is the hardest and most stressful. It is almost easier when the surgery is behind you and you are recovering. While in the hospital, home health can be arranged. Possibly, you could get meals on wheels. Have your lawyer get a postponement of the legal problem and, if necessary, intercede on your behalf. I doubt if any judge would order sanctions when it is explained by your attorney that you are medically incapacitated and will be for some months. When the time is right, can you have a trusted friend or extended family member help look for your papers? I'll be thinking of you and hope your surgery goes wonderfully well. And Happy Mother's Day in advance. Life has a way of returning all the good deeds you do for others. You may not think of it now but it happens.

mbeckoff
05-02-2010, 08:57 PM
OMG!!! You people are the greatest. You are making me cry.I do wish that we lived close enough for a scoli Reunion .That would be the coolest thing ever.You guys are the best. You are so right.I have to put myself first and everything else will fall into place I love you all.

I will be posting all day tomorrow as I am getting so nervous

Melissa

JenniferG
05-02-2010, 09:04 PM
Thinking of you Melissa. The worst is nearly over. You're almost there, and you have a crowd here barracking for you!

Back-out
05-02-2010, 09:33 PM
Wat to go, melissa!!! :) :) :)

gmw
05-03-2010, 05:07 AM
Thinking of you this morning. Only one more day.:)

kassie84
05-03-2010, 06:04 AM
Good luck for tomorrow. My surgery is 3.5 weeks away... Let us know how you go... i'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

jsully
05-03-2010, 07:18 AM
Good luck!! Can't wait to hear how you are doing after surgery!

ADMoul
05-03-2010, 10:36 AM
Sending good wishes your way! I cannot imagine what you're going through with all the legal issues, but try to put that other stuff out of your mind. It will all get taken care of in good time and right now the focus has to be on you. Your surgery will be soon be over and you will be on the road to recovery. Will be thinking of you tomorrow!

LynetteG
05-03-2010, 10:44 AM
Melissa - You are on my mind - I'm thinking of you my friend. How are you feeling today? Have you had that sense of calm yet? I sure hope you have. Let us know how you are. Don't worry - think about this as a special time just for you, this is a Melissa time, time for you to relax and let the experts take care of you and give you a brand new back :) love and hugs XX

golfnut
05-03-2010, 11:19 AM
Melissa,
I will certainly be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you a successful surgery with a speedy recovery.

JenM
05-03-2010, 09:39 PM
Good luck tomorrow, Melissa! I will be thinking of you and know you will do just fine!

mbeckoff
05-03-2010, 09:48 PM
Thanks everyone for the great replies

You guys have been so wonderul

my daughter,Allyson, will post here as soon as she hears anything and she gets home from college around 5:30 pm eastern standard time

I am leaving at 3am to go to the hospital. I have to be there at 4:45am

I have a stupid question. what happens if the surgeon has a very bad night sleep or if he doesn't feel well when he wakes up? He is only human after all

titaniumed
05-03-2010, 10:05 PM
Melissa

Best wishes for tomorrow. Everything is going to be just fine.

Ed

jrnyc
05-03-2010, 11:59 PM
Hi Melissa
your surgeon will get a good night's sleep...believe me...and you will be in the best of hands!!
thoughts and prayers go with you for a smooth operation and uneventful and successful recovery!

best wishes to you...
jess

mbeckoff
05-04-2010, 12:14 AM
Hi Melissa
your surgeon will get a good night's sleep...believe me...and you will be in the best of hands!!
thoughts and prayers go with you for a smooth operation and uneventful and successful recovery!

best wishes to you...
jess

Thanks for reassuring me

Melissa

JenniferG
05-04-2010, 12:24 AM
Just wanted to join the chorus of "Good Luck!" You're going to do just fine, and by this time tomorrow your problems will be halved. From then on, it'll just keep getting easier. You're doing yourself the best favour Melissa, and all this worry will have been well worth it. Thinking of you Wednesday, Aussie-time.

mbeckoff
05-04-2010, 12:37 AM
Thanks so much for every one's warm wishes

Melissa

Back-out
05-04-2010, 12:41 AM
I'm sure would-be surgeons with sleep problems are weeded out of the program early on! Not to mention that they learn to sleep at the drop of a hat in their residencies. He's having a good snooze now. :)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Susie*Bee
05-04-2010, 04:54 AM
You're in my thoughts and prayers as well... looking forward to hearing from you soon, on the "other side" of surgery.

mbeckoff
05-04-2010, 05:54 PM
Melissa's surgery has gone well and she is doing well. Got told a bunch of stuff that only y'all would understand, but didn't retain it. Thanks for the prayers and thank you God!! Evey one here means soo much to my mom, thank you for being here with her.

Allyson (her daughter)

doodie
05-04-2010, 06:39 PM
Hi Allyson -
Thank you so much for posting an update for your mom! There are so many of us here that have been sending positive thoughts her way today (and good thoughts to you too!).

Tell her to hang in there because it does get better each and every day! :)

Best regards

JenniferG
05-04-2010, 06:56 PM
Thanks so much Allyson, for letting us know your Mom's doing well. I'm so glad it's over. I hope she has a good, smooth recovery. Let her know we're thinking of her.

gmw
05-04-2010, 08:04 PM
Thanks for the update on your mom, Allyson! So glad everything is going well.:)

Glenda

naptown78
05-04-2010, 08:12 PM
Looking forward to hearing from you Melissa after you wake up with your brand new back!

LynetteG
05-04-2010, 08:59 PM
Fantastic news Allyson, thank you soooo much for letting us know all went well. Please give her a gentle hug from me XX

Back-out
05-04-2010, 09:05 PM
Thank you, Allyson. Your mom is lucky to have you.
Melissa, it's OVER! It's going to be uphill from here. :)

Back-out
05-04-2010, 10:58 PM
(Or...erm, do I mean downhill? :o A relief, and easier, at any rate).

jrnyc
05-05-2010, 12:13 AM
Hi Allyson
so glad that your mother is done with the surgery and on the road to recovery...thanks for letting us know that she made it!

please let her know how many friends on this forum are pulling for her...
cant wait to hear what she has to say once she is feeling well enuf to be on here....

thanks again..thoughts and prayers to your mother for her healing, and to you for helping take care of her!

jess

Doodles
05-05-2010, 01:07 PM
Allyson--
Thanks for letting us know and delivering the good news. Your mom will do great I'm sure--one day at a time. She deserves a smooth recovery. Thinking of you and your mom! Best wishes. Janet

rohrer01
05-05-2010, 02:26 PM
Thanks for letting us know that all is well. That's what we like to hear!

JenM
05-05-2010, 04:45 PM
That's such great news! So glad everything went well! Thanks for posting.

foofer
05-05-2010, 05:56 PM
You are a good daughter, Allyson! Thanks for letting us know about your mom. I think we were all waiting to hear and so happy you let us know! Keep us posted

Amy

mbeckoff
05-10-2010, 01:12 PM
Thank you to all of the prayers and well wishes!! Your welcome. My dad has a question...does anyone live near Charlotte NC or willing to make the drive to Charlotte?
Thanks again!
Allyson

LynetteG
05-10-2010, 05:31 PM
Allyson I wish I did but I live in Florida, too far away. Maybe someone else on here lives closer.