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View Full Version : mums having surgery, with young children to take care of



fandango
04-16-2010, 04:34 PM
Hi, I noticed on another thread that JennyM and JennyRM are in their 30's and approaching surgery with young children to look after.

I am 37 with a 4 1/2 year old daughter and have just made the decision (I think) to have surgery. Now I am pregnant! - we wanted another and I didn't want to wait until after surgery and recovery as I felt that was too old for me and too big an age gap for the children. My surgeon said he would want to wait until at least a year after I have given birth before he operated. There is another poster who went ahead with surgery a year after having a baby. It sounds like she is doing great.

I was thinking I might wait until the little one is 2 or 3 (because then you have to carry them much less) depending on how much pain I am in after pregnancy.

I thought this thread would be good for mums of little uns to share our worries and experiences x

rohrer01
04-16-2010, 05:03 PM
That is sort of my dilemma. I don't have little children, in fact mine are grown. However, my husband and I have been going through fertility treatments to try to have a child. I'm 41 and I feel time is running out. My scoliosis has just decided that it was going to progress after being stable all of my life. Now I want to have the surgery, for pain reasons, then hope I'm still young enough to try. I do have a 19 month old grandson that lives with me. This poses a challenge for me, too, even though his mother (my daughter) also lives with me and pretty much takes care of him. He is going through this phase where he walks up to people and slaps them on the back. We are having a hard time breaking him of this, as he thinks it is a game. I think your topic is very appropriate, and congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you don't have too much pain. I always felt great during pregnancy even though I have suffered with pain my whole life. It was always that last month that was the hardest to deal with. Best wishes to you, and take whatever support you are offered. I will tell you from experience with my grandson, that lifting in and out of the car seat can be very painful. So get the hubby to do it, or older siblings if there are any.

Congrats again!:)

jsully
04-16-2010, 05:05 PM
I had a surgery date set and also found out I was pregnant. Since then my support system (my inlaws who were retired and would help me) both passed away. Due to this I have waited until now. My boys are 6 & 7. I think it depends on how much support you have because a child does not understand why you cannot pick them up ect. In fact, I still think my boys will have trouble understanding but I am trying to prepare them now and they will have to learn to be a little more self sufficient. Good luck with your decision!
Janet

LindaRacine
04-16-2010, 07:22 PM
Hi...

Putting kids into carseats can be horrendous if one has a bad back. If you have a great outcome with no lower back pain, and have proper lifting mechanics, it's doable. If it were me, I'd wait until the kid could get itself in and out of car.

Best of luck with your pregnancy.

Regards,
Linda

Vali
04-16-2010, 08:00 PM
Hi...

Putting kids into carseats can be horrendous if one has a bad back. If you have a great outcome with no lower back pain, and have proper lifting mechanics, it's doable. If it were me, I'd wait until the kid could get itself in and out of car.

Best of luck with your pregnancy.

Regards,
Linda


Ditto from me on this one.

TiffanyK
04-16-2010, 10:08 PM
I have an appointment on Tuesday to hopefully schedule my surgery. I have a 3 year old and have already started preparing her to be my "helper" for when mommy gets her boo boo. She gets in and out of the car seat and is very happy to do so on her own.

I desperately want another baby, but can't imagine having another pregnancy with the pain I already have. For me this is a good time to have the surgery as I'm still young and we can not afford two in daycare at the moment anyway. Plus it will keep my mind off of babies and focused on recovery. If all goes well, I believe we should be able to have another child in 2012... naturally or adoption.

As for my support system, I've come up with a plan of my husband taking two weeks of vacation and then alternating friends and family for a week at a time until I can handle things on my own again. Pretty much everything is falling into place... now I just need a date!

JenM
04-17-2010, 09:38 PM
Hi everyone-

My surgery is set for June 8. I am 31 years old and have a 5 year old and my other child will be 3 in July. We just potty trained her 2 weeks ago so I won't have to worry about bending over and changing diapers all the time. She also just started getting into the car seat herself. Putting a child into a car seat really strains your back, so I think it is important that the child be able to get in and out of the carseat by himself/herself. I recently started telling my 5 year old about my upcoming surgery and how he'd have to help alittle more around the house. I worry about the state that my house will be in while I'm in recovery. If I don't pick up the toys for one day my house looks like a complete mess with toys everywhere!

LynetteG
04-18-2010, 03:00 AM
Congratulations Jenm on getting your surgery date. I also worried about domestic issues prior to surgery. However, believe me, you won't care when you're recovering about toys laying around. Except, of course, you don't want to trip up.

fandango
04-18-2010, 04:14 PM
thanks for the congrats and luck from everyone!

Rohrer - yes my back felt the best it has every during my first pregnancy - it's not what you expect is it? is it the relaxin that does that? I got pubic symthasis diysfunction though so that cancelled out my joy of having no back pain, it was excruciating, I couldn't even walk to the shops. I got very miserable and sat on the sofa and ate chocolate cake - and got very fat! hope I don't get that again.

I think those of us with girls might have an easier time with recovery; they seem to be more sensitive to people feeling bad and much more willing to help out (may be wrong - don't want to offend anyone - don't have much experience with boys! but they generally seem more boisterous and less interested in helping with the house work)

fandango
04-18-2010, 04:20 PM
Janet - that is terrible luck. Hope it goes according to plan this time - do you have a date set?

I am also worried about the state of the house whilst I recover! its a lot to ask isn't it, nurse maid you, look after the kids AND clean your house for you too. With the best will, I know my husband wont be able to keep it tidy enough for my liking. It really irritates me when the house is a mess. I think I will start saving now, so that we can afford a cleaner to come in x

jsully
04-18-2010, 05:19 PM
No date set yet, seeing the DR wed.:o I am going to have someone come clean as I have 12 weeks sick time and short term disability at 60%.:D

rainbow2010
04-18-2010, 07:55 PM
I had my kids 12 years post-op and had no problems carrying them during pregnancy. My husband did most of the carrying after the girls were born. Before my girls were a year old, they were over my weight limit for lifting. I used a stroller all the time.

JennyRN
04-19-2010, 12:26 PM
When I have my surgery June 17, my daughter will be four and my son 1 1/2. I don't know if you plan on breastfeeding your new little one, but that may also be something to take into consideration when you plan a surgery date. I have choosen extended breastfeeding for both of my children. I nursed my daughter until she was 22 months. (No judgements here whether you breast or bottle...I know some people will think I'm crazy for nursing "so long.") I think one of my biggest challenges prior to my surgery is weaning my 17 month old. I just wanted to make you you had thought about that!

Also, JenM - you may notice some regression on your newly potty-trained daughter after your surgery.

fandango
04-23-2010, 07:52 AM
Uggghhhh... did any of you get Symphasis Pubic Dysfunction?

I already referred to it in an earlier post - i had it when I was pregnant with my daughter 5 years ago.
I am only 3 months pregnant and I can already feel it starting.
I have an appointment to see a chiropractor on Tuesday (my original 1 is on maternity leave - i hope this one is as good). I guess it happens because I am already misaligned with having kyphosis. I would guess it is pretty common amongst us?

I was thinking of trying Masai Barefoot Technology shoes - there are alot of testimonials on the internet of pregnant women who completely cured the pain of SPD with them. But it will be complicated by the kyphosis anyway. The lady in the back-care shop wouldn't sell them to me because I am pregnant! dullard! she then tried to sell me a course of flotation therapies which she said would benefit both my kyphosis and SPD pains better than chiropractor sessions (?!?!?!?) I don't half come across them! She didn't even know what either condition was until I explained them to her.

Annnyyyhow - any one had SPD and/or tried MBT shoes?
Thanks:D

tonibunny
04-23-2010, 08:31 AM
Hi Fandango, I've not had SPD but I do have MBT shoes and I think they're brilliant! Take a look at the "Tone-up shoes" thread in the Nonsurgical forum. Mamamax has recently bought some too and likes them very much :)

I tried flotation tank therapy once. It made my back ache rather than relaxing me; apparently that can happen in people with bad backs! I was gutted because my best friend emerged from her session looking absolutely radiant, she found it the most relaxing thing ever.

foofer
04-23-2010, 11:35 AM
Fandango,

The "Zappo's" website carries MBT shoes, and they have an amazing return policy...I believe you can return items for up to a year, and there are no shipping charges either direction. I find it to be a great resource. You could try the shoes around your home, carefully- on carpet etc. They also show several sale models.

Hope it all resolves for you. Ouch.

rohrer01
04-26-2010, 06:45 AM
Uggghhhh... did any of you get Symphasis Pubic Dysfunction?

I already referred to it in an earlier post - i had it when I was pregnant with my daughter 5 years ago.
I am only 3 months pregnant and I can already feel it starting.
I have an appointment to see a chiropractor on Tuesday (my original 1 is on maternity leave - i hope this one is as good). I guess it happens because I am already misaligned with having kyphosis. I would guess it is pretty common amongst us?


Annnyyyhow - any one had SPD and/or tried MBT shoes?
Thanks:D

I did, but I had my last baby 17 1/2 years ago. They didn't do anything for me. Like I said, it didn't get really bad until the last month. But I'm guessing that it's pretty common amongst us scoli moms because scoliosis is related to connective tissue disorders. My joints are very floppy without adding relaxin to the mix. I'm thinking that IF my surgeon will agree to do surgery now, then I'll need revision to remove hardware - he's convinced. I'll be about 43 when I'm all done. That's really pushing it, but hubby and I have been trying for 6 years to have a baby and lost 4, probably due to the pain meds I was on. I found out from the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) that NSAIDS and benzodiazapines cause embryo damage. Thus, this is probably why I lost all of our babies. I thought I was being safe by trying to manage my pain with ibuprofen. So just a word of advice. Stay away from the NSAIDS unless you OB okay's it. My GP thought the meds were fine, but they weren't. I also might be too old to try when I'm all 'done' with surgeries, but I don't give up easily. All my hormone levels, thus far say I'm reproductively in my 20's or early 30's, so there is still hope. There's no way I can handle it by myself, though if I don't do something about the pain. My dear grandson just got a new stroller that flips open, so he can safely climb in. It's a larger stroller that is easier for me to push. I HATE the umbrella strollers because I have to lean down to push them. It really kills the back. Again, best wishes to all! ;)

fandango
04-26-2010, 07:38 AM
that's a bit disturbing I think, that your GP wasn't aware of the danger of ibuprofen and NSAIDs in pregnancy! Where are you? in the UK? my GP gave me codeine to replace ibuprofen when I got pregnant but I have to wean off it in the last trimester or have a junkie baby.
I'm really sorry for your losses, I had 1 miscarriage, it's really sad. I hope you have success now you are off the NAIDS, wishing you strength

Lorz
04-26-2010, 08:55 AM
I noticed you are from Reading, PA. Who is your surgeon?