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  • Okay I admit it.....

    I'm TERRIFIED!!!

    Not all the time, but there are moments that I feel so terribly scared about my upcoming surgery - am I being a baby? Has anyone else felt like that a week out from surgery. The time seems to have flown by from when I met Dr. Cronen and booked my surgery till now, of course I know it was only six weeks ago, but boy it's flown by. I do think positive and look ahead to the healing part, but I can't get rid of this silly fear inside me.
    Lynette - 44 years old.

    Pre-surgery thoracic 55 degrees
    Pre-surgery lumbar 85 degrees

    Post-surgery thoracic 19 degrees
    Post-surgery lumbar 27 degrees

    Surgery April 1st 2010.

    Posterior spinal fusion from T9 to sacrum.
    Dr. Cronen at University Community Hospital - Tampa, FL.

  • #2
    Lynette

    I was a zombie. The last week I was absorbing about 10% of everything that was said to me. No attention span at all. The lights were on, but nobody was home.

    What you are feeling is perfectly normal.

    The last 2 days I felt a release. It was like a fish that gives up fighting while being reeled in. Its a realization that I would no longer be in control, and I was putting myself in the hands of professionals. I guess this was where I released all my tension, a total release.

    I waited all those years, committed, and could not back out.

    I was ready.
    Ed
    49 yr old male, now 63, the new 64...
    Pre surgery curves T70,L70
    ALIF/PSA T2-Pelvis 01/29/08, 01/31/08 7" pelvic anchors BMP
    Dr Brett Menmuir St Marys Hospital Reno,Nevada

    Bending and twisting pics after full fusion
    http://www.scoliosis.org/forum/showt...on.&highlight=

    My x-rays
    http://www.scoliosis.org/forum/attac...2&d=1228779214

    http://www.scoliosis.org/forum/attac...3&d=1228779258

    Comment


    • #3
      Lynette, of course you're terrified! But I hope you get that calm that Ed mentioned. It's a kind of letting go. Letting go of the fear, letting go of the control. Allowing trust to take over. Trust in your surgeon and in the ability of your body to cope. That's my take on it anyway. It allows for a little bit of excitement to flood in, and that's really nice.

      If I'd had any idea how well this was going to turn out, I'd have been a lot more excited!
      Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
      Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
      T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
      Osteotomies and Laminectomies
      Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you sooo much Ed and JenniferG - I was beginning to think that maybe I was being a pathetic little baby. I hope with all my heart that I get that calmness that you talked about Ed - I really do.
        God bless both of you - again thank you!
        Lynette - 44 years old.

        Pre-surgery thoracic 55 degrees
        Pre-surgery lumbar 85 degrees

        Post-surgery thoracic 19 degrees
        Post-surgery lumbar 27 degrees

        Surgery April 1st 2010.

        Posterior spinal fusion from T9 to sacrum.
        Dr. Cronen at University Community Hospital - Tampa, FL.

        Comment


        • #5
          It's very normal to be scared. I am already scared and have not even set a date. It's very hard to do something going in with little pain and coming out with a lot. I wish you the best of luck and cannot wait to hear how you are doing afterward!
          Janet
          36 year young cardiac RN
          old curve C 29, T 70, L 50
          new curve C 7, T 23, L 20
          Surgery June 11, UCH, Dr. Cronen T2-L5, posterior
          Revision December 20 L5-S1 with pelvic fixation
          and Osteotomy to L3 at Tampa General Hospital

          Comment


          • #6
            Lynette,

            of course you're terrified--most of us were. You will get through this. Be good to yourself during this time.
            __________________________________________
            Debbe - 50 yrs old

            Milwalkee Brace 1976 - 79
            Told by Dr. my curve would never progress

            Surgery 10/15/08 in NYC by Dr. Michael Neuwirth
            Pre-Surgury Thorasic: 66 degrees
            Pre-Surgery Lumbar: 66 degrees

            Post-Surgery Thorasic: 34 degrees
            Post-Surgery Lumbar: 22 degrees

            Comment


            • #7
              Lynette, that sense of calm will come. I know it doesn't seem that way at the moment, but, it will. My anxiety came and went a lot in the last two weeks pre-op. I even broke down in the pre-admin office, one week before the big day. The nurse said, she felt i should postpone it. I knew i couldn't because my pain had got to the point of "give me the drugs"! (Visualize Kisty Alley in Look Who's Talking!). I cried and cried as she explained how i would have this tube and that tube (now who sounds like a baby?), then went home a little unhappy and doing the whole "why me" thing. On the morning of the surgery, i cried again as i said "catchya later" to my family and was wheeled down to the holding bay. Once there, Dr Hall introduced me to the theatre team, who would be assisting him. After this, anxiety seem to fly out of the window. "If you think it - it will come - this sense of calm". Cheer up
              Vali
              44 years young! now 45
              Surgery - June 1st, 2009
              Dr David Hall - Adelaide Spine Clinic
              St. Andrews Hospital, Adelaide, South Australia
              Pre-op curve - 58 degree lumbar
              Post -op - 5 degrees
              T11 - S1 Posterior
              L4/5 - L5/S1 Anterior Fusion

              Comment


              • #8
                My time was so short between initial app't. and surgery date (Jan 6 to Feb. 2) and I was frantically busy trying to get my teaching job ready for a sub, plus we were making arrangements to do this in a strange city 4 hours from home. In some ways, that was good because it kept my mind off what I was about to do (after years of agonizing about my back.) I had one night where I just had a complete nervous breakdown, cried my eyes out and after that I was pretty much OK. It all happened so fast, sometimes now I can't believe I actually did it. I look in the mirror and think "OMG, that's my new back." It will never be perfect, but for me, it's awesome. You reach a point where, as someone said, you have to relinquish control to the professionals and know they (and any Higher Power you believe in) will take care of you and get you through it. You're not being a baby. We've all been there.


                Anne in PA
                Age 58
                Diagnosed at age 14, untreated, no problem until age 50
                T4 to sacrum fusion
                63 thoracic now 35, 92 lumbar now 53
                Dr. Baron Lonner, 2/2/10
                Am pain-free, balanced, happy & an inch taller !

                Comment


                • #9
                  I LOVE ALL of you guys - thank you so much for being there for me - thank you from the bottom of my heart!
                  Lynette - 44 years old.

                  Pre-surgery thoracic 55 degrees
                  Pre-surgery lumbar 85 degrees

                  Post-surgery thoracic 19 degrees
                  Post-surgery lumbar 27 degrees

                  Surgery April 1st 2010.

                  Posterior spinal fusion from T9 to sacrum.
                  Dr. Cronen at University Community Hospital - Tampa, FL.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Lynette sweetheart, if you weren't terrified, you wouldn't be human! If you're being a baby then I can't imagine what I was being before my surgery! But Singer has offered these words 2 times that I know of, once for me and once for someone else "I have to say that the anticipation of this surgery is worse than the surgery itself because once the operation is over, you live in the present. Anticipating the unknown is agonizing....." For me, those words made a huge difference! It is hard to know you are here, right now, but you are living for the future. But that future WILL become your present, and it will be so worth the wait. Hang in there, hon, and lean on us. That's what we're here for!
                    Becky
                    51 years old
                    Married 28 years
                    3 kids ages 23, 21 and 17
                    Fused T-10 through L-5 June, 2008
                    Developed junctional kyphosis, flat-back and sagittal imbalance
                    Revision Surgery June 27, 2011
                    Fused T-4 thru S-1 with pelvic anchor screws
                    Take 2 revision October 15, 2013 to locate source of continued pain
                    Pseudoarthrosis at L-3, 2 screws removed

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      "I have to say that the anticipation of this surgery is worse than the surgery itself because once the operation is over, you live in the present. Anticipating the unknown is agonizing....."

                      We should post that to everyone when they first come here. It's so true.
                      Surgery March 3, 2009 at almost 58, now 63.
                      Dr. Askin, Brisbane, Australia
                      T4-Pelvis, Posterior only
                      Osteotomies and Laminectomies
                      Was 68 degrees, now 22 and pain free

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Becky that totally and utterly makes sense to me - especially as I study all of Eckhart Tolle's books, where he constantly emphasizes about living in the present moment. He says the present moment is all we have, be consciously aware of the present, the past has gone, and the future is not here yet, and so on... Having said all that, it's not so easy to put into practice, surgery is on my mind the minute I wake up in the morning till I go to bed at night.

                        I've had some strange dreams too where I've had the surgery, and then I'll be playing with my kids and one of them screams "Mommy, what's that hanging out of your back." And then I see my spine hanging out of my back, which of course is plain insane, but in the dream, my thought is "Oh no, now I have to have more surgery for him to put my spine back in." LOL!!!

                        I'm losing it!
                        Lynette - 44 years old.

                        Pre-surgery thoracic 55 degrees
                        Pre-surgery lumbar 85 degrees

                        Post-surgery thoracic 19 degrees
                        Post-surgery lumbar 27 degrees

                        Surgery April 1st 2010.

                        Posterior spinal fusion from T9 to sacrum.
                        Dr. Cronen at University Community Hospital - Tampa, FL.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I am three weeks from surgery and this all helps so much.
                          I love the statement from above. I will hold onto that. The one about anticipating future....
                          This forum feels like a family of support. Thank you to all of you that have been through surgery and still come onto the forum to share and support.
                          Shari
                          Shari - 55 years old
                          Pre-Surgery 62 degree thorasic curve with shifting.
                          Post op 13 degree curve.
                          Successful surgery 4/15/10, T3-L2 fused.
                          2nd surgery to reopen incision 10" to diagnose infection, 5/18/10
                          Beaumont Hospital, Royal Oak, MI - the late Dr. Harry Herkowitz
                          www.scoliosisthejourney.com

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            That totally and completely is understandable. It's quite an undertaking to say we'll go through this surgery, fully knowing it's way off in the future and we won't have to even worry about it for a long time. Then, the day keeps getting closer and closer. Sooner than we think it's the day before or week before and yup we're nervous, terrified and down right SICK. I had all those feelings. But, thanks to dear friends, wonderful family and this forum we reach out for comfort and understanding and we're always here. My surgery was scheduled for this July but I was given a cancellation and I look at that as a true sign - someone up there was truly looking out for me and saying "give this girl a cancellation and move her up". Does this sound weird? Starting with the insertion of my central line on Fri morning until the exact minute the anesthesiologist was talking with me in preop I felt a total and complete "CALM", as they said, didn't know if I would. Yes, there were a few tears shed as I went down the hallway to the OR , my mother and hubby with me in preop, as we were all a little uneasy as to what the next few hours, days, weeks would be like. But, I am here to tell you, this surgery is NOT as bad as you are expecting. The pain was never HORRIBLE and not to the point where I couldn't stand it at all. They have drugs for that. And, I made full use of them. Everyone at St. Louis was very, very nice and understanding. But, feeling terrified is totally understandable - my 9-1/2 hr surgery was a long time - but, now it's all behind me - YEA!!!!! You too will be on the "other wise" very soon. I will greet you ALL THE WAY!!!! You Rock! You can do this!!!! I have full and complete faith in you!!
                            Rita Thompson
                            Age 46
                            Milwaukee Brace wearer for 3 years in childhood
                            Surgery Mar 1st - 95 degree thoracic curve
                            Surgery by Dr. Lenke, St. Louis, MO
                            Post-surgery curve 25-30 degree

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Lynette, I felt the exact same way when I read Singer's words. It felt like that one statement took all the thoughts swirling around in my head and made a nice, neat, tidy stack and I felt a new level of peace. Your dream made me chuckle out loud though. The way your response sounded was almost matter-of-fact, sort of like, "Oh darn, I have more laundry to do", like it was just one more thing to add to your list for today. I hope I didn't make light of a dream that was frightening, because you gave me a moment of comic relief. Thanks!

                              By the way, The Little Engine That Could ain't got nothin on you, girl! I know you can, I know you can, I know you can!!!!
                              Becky
                              51 years old
                              Married 28 years
                              3 kids ages 23, 21 and 17
                              Fused T-10 through L-5 June, 2008
                              Developed junctional kyphosis, flat-back and sagittal imbalance
                              Revision Surgery June 27, 2011
                              Fused T-4 thru S-1 with pelvic anchor screws
                              Take 2 revision October 15, 2013 to locate source of continued pain
                              Pseudoarthrosis at L-3, 2 screws removed

                              Comment

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